Wednesday, October 5, 2022

a familiar goodbye





"a familiar goodbye"
There's a saturated cry
to the false void of silence
I want to release 
   and these walls taunt me 
   with their poise 
of immovable stillness 
   to the broken display 
   I am performing before them.

A slobbering ache of pain 
and anguish 
seeping through 
my ethereal body 
releasing
as a fifth sense of some kind,
dissapating 
into the ether
leaving me,
   finally realizing 
      I am just 
      a kind of vessel 
      for 
ancient cosmic beings
      beyond the here and now.

A familiar sensaton.
A call to the void.
   
We are just sprinkles 
Of existentialism 
   for greater gods 
   trying to find 
their place of purpose, 
   their sense of emotions 
   beyond the insignificance  of time.

It leaves me 
feeling
alone with my realization.

Perhaps 
   even a discovery.
Leaves me alone
   having discovered a glimpse 
of existential dread 
and wanting to dissolve 
into the liquid of reality 
leaving me 
with a sense of urge 
pulling me through 
the window.

   Leaving me
   and my sense of being.

Leaving the residue
of the observed
only for it 
to dissolve away
among the million
and many more milions
   of experiences of life and reality.

Leaving...
Something I want to follow
from where I am sitting 
to where 
I could crash through
the window 
and fall below 
in the most visceral display 
of defiance my body could allow, 
   in the most truthful way I could paint.

I have lost my senese of identity 
and want to reclaim it.
  But only can
in losing it first.

I want to display something beyond 
what normality has for this body, 
   Something that is beyond
   what it can and cannot be.

Therefore,
A sense of urge is pulling me 
through the window again,
   something I want to follow 
   from 
   where I'm sitting 
   to where I could crash through 
and fall below 
in the most visceral display 
    of defiance my body can paint.

A familiar sensation.
A call to the void.
   Not at all empty.
   And not all 
   from nothing.
-Armando Torres

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