I Love You

"I Love You"

Lonely thoughts begin

     to fill his head

and he again

     starts

thinking

about

     the first time they met.

"Hi," she said with a bright smile he'll never forget.

"Hi," he replied, 

     "so what are you looking to get?"

          ...he worked concessions for the high school games.

"Can I get umm..."

     ...he couldn't pull his eyes away

          he felt the warm fuzzies as they say.

"a large coke and some popcorn."

"Sure thing," he replied

     as an unexplainable fondness was born.

"I think that's it," she said.

"Okay," he ended 

     as he glanced at her lips...cherry red.

He remembers

     them

making love in bed

     among the midnight hues,

"My heart is complete with you,"

     he told her,

She replied with

     "me too."

He couldn't concentrate

on the road

as the tears

     veneered

his eyes

     making it

hard to see

     the road

in this night drive.

All he could see

     in those tiny spaces of 

          ambient thought

     was her face.

It wasn't fair.

Why did it have to be this way?

"What's your family like?" he asked.

"Nothing I would brag about."

"Oh, why's that?"

"Just some stuff I wouldn't...just stuff needs to get sorted out."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"Don't worry, you're alright. What's your family like?"

"They're pretty boring, but I love 'em.

     My sister is pretty big on collecting Star Wars things."

"I love that. Maybe I can get her a gift this Christmas?"

"She would love that."

"Maybe I could come with you for the holidays?" she asked.

"I would love that!"

He hated this.

     Things became not what they were.

Somewhere a fork happened

     and each led away from each other.

Just then another flash of light

     blinded him

pulling him back from memory.

His mind was a mess

but focusing on those

     sweet memories

helped him focus.

He loved her.

He hated thinking of 

     the reality of what happened.

"I want to tell you something,"

     he said barely above a whisper.

She looked into his eyes

     waiting for the words

          to leave his lips.

"I love you," he said.

She closed her eyes

     leaning in to kiss,

and as her lips caressed his,

she replied with,

     "I love you too."

There was nothing left to do

but drive these miles

to her.

His eyes glossed

     in salty pain,

     trying to find the road.

He just knows 

the only thing he ever knew

     that he still loves her.

And nothing would ever

     keep his heart

     the way she could.

He would regret it forever 

     if he never tried.

Here in his destruction

     He has nothing left to hide.

He reaches to the backseat

and cracks open another can

barely able to see the car lights

     in the night.

Feeling every thing he has ever felt

     at the same time,

          he loses himself

drifting into the oncoming lights.

I love you

     he finally tells the night sky.

-Armando Torres

You Were The Lie

"You Were The Lie"

You were the lie

     I allowed my heart

     to believe.

And Like an animal,

     you brutally tore it to shreds.

But like a human,

     you left the pieces there to rot.

Taking what you needed

and

Leaving the rest

like

A carcass to the vultures.

You left me vulnerable to them

     as the scavengers

     had their feast,

Picking me clean.

How could you leave me like this...

     you never even looked back

          as I reached out so desperately,

Slobbering on myself

          as I sobbed these painful tears,

     gasping for air

in between every agonizing breath,

You left,

     and

I stayed,

     feeling like only 

I cared.

I find myself now

     lonely

     in other's embraces,

          letting my body

          be used

          as I search desperately

          for the same thing we had.

Me and You.

How could you leave me so broken...

     so open to the sting of memory,

     so afraid of the lonely silence.

I barely recognize

myself now

     in the wake of this carnage.

I miss me more than I miss you.

You were

     in the end

     just another wolf

with much better ways to hide

     than I ever knew.

-Armando Torres

Whatever You Are

"Whatever You Are"  

I'm scared  

you're watching me now  

there from the corner  

with dead and unmoving eyes,  

Just existing but not thinking,  

Looking but not waiting,  

Just standing there

in the corner  

Watching.  

Witnessing my every moment,  

Observing my every movement,  

It is perhaps  

the dark and dreary night  

this creeping fear exists  

But you spoke to me once,  

I remember it quite well,  

you said to me two words,  

To Hell,  

I never saw what you were,  

I just know  

you were there  

and I'm scared  

that you still are.  

Whatever you are.

Malevolence v2.

"Malevolence"  

In the darkness that lingers   

around us all   

there exists something  

that tempts us,  

chooses us,  

and crushes us,  

inside a paradox of sweetest things.  

It knows  

when you think of it  

and pounces its whole existence  

at once  

to where ever welcomes it.  

It sits in your room  

waiting patiently  

looming ever closer  

as your mind wanders towards it.  

Knowing the very moment  

to engulf your reality  

overwhelming your mind  

in horrors  

you never wanted to see.  

It grants you  

that all you know  

has some truth  

for that would be your proof  

to believe,  

Because in all that was misleading  

in its words  

there would be a base  

to fake its truth to you.  

As your strength falters  

nothing you knew  

would hold true  

when the temptations  

finally overwhelmed you.  

You would never know  

you gave in so long ago  

before this moment,  

A failure it knows all too well,  

And savors on the taste of it.   

Beginning again  

your own demise  

behind your tired eyes  

of a few moments before  

you so blindly gave away  

all that was of worth,  

Its words have burned  

through your soul  

tearing apart  

your mind  

leaving the shell of a person,  

lifeless and hollow.  

A person who will never understand  

all they wanted to know.  

A person in eternal damnation  

of their own making,  

burning in the fires of misery  

Never knowing the lies  

were the the only truths  

they realized.

-Armando Torres

Ghostly Visage

"Ghostly Visage"

Silence hangs heavy

     in the room with me

     as the warm oranges of day

pour through the window,

Another night begins

to take shape

as the sun dips

below the horizon,

And another ghostly tour of memory

will appear

in every corner I look,

I see you there again

by the books

saying something 

I can no longer hear,

Smiling at me as you slowly disappear,

The darker hues of blues

begin

to crawl up 

along the walls,

As night creeps closer,

I see you there

in your favorite chair

flipping through old mail,

I try and step closer to you

but you fade away again,

   just then my eyes look toward

the doorway

as you stand there

looking happy

and you turn and walk away,

For a brief moment

I can feel the brush of your touch

on my hand again

but you are not here,

and you never will be again,

You're not dead

but I wish I was,

and that throws my spirit

into a fit of rage,

because you do not hold

that power over me,

However,

My essence knows

someone like you

will never happen again

for me,

But life for you

will be kinder,

The sharp sting of cold

has finally arrived with the night,

and I begin again

to drink to forget,

Life will not destroy me

with liquid destruction

Instead

I will forge ahead

hand in hand

with the night

knowing

one morning 

your ghostly visage

will no longer haunt me.

-Armando Torres

When it Ends

"When it Ends"

I woke up again

     thinking you were here,

But nothing remains

but these salty tears,

This was the end for real,

     never going to see you again in here,

I can however,

     still remember when

the thought of being with you

was without end

But like watching a beautiful sunset

and not wanting it to end,

We reveled in the happiness 

of the beauty of

the hues of purples and golden oranges

as they stretched 

across the sky

reflecting a glimmering splendor

over the horizon,

We wanted this moment

to last forever,

Our moment,

Our existence together,

But like a sunset

the darkness will end

the shimmering glow of the sun,

it will end the day for night

Forever leaving 

that moment

behind

to time,

Suddenly then

all this pain,

all this sorrow,

to have to feel alone

in the end,

There's nothing to do

but 

acknowledge

the darkness for the night it is

and shed my tears

in the safety

of its shroud,

so that I may see

the coming sunrise,

And perhaps

I will wake

not 

thinking you were here

but instead

watching a beautiful sunrise

as the day takes shape

before me,

And I find our memory

has taught me

and

not broken me,

That my memory

tells me to remember

that a whole life

exists

without you,

That a beautiful sunset

is yet to come again

and I can watch it

not having to fear any pain

or cry

when it ends.

-Armando Torres

Moonlight Shimmer

"Moonlight Shimmer"

I take a long steady breath

     hoping

I let fall from my eyes

another memory to its death,

Closing my eyes

     does not stop

this steady stream

of shimmering droplets

drenched in dreams

from my life.

Moments I remember

only for them to paint

     a picture

that does not exist,

I take another long breath

     hoping

another image

has left away from here

with its weight and meaning,

I open my eyes

covered

with watery droplets

shimmering below a ghostly light,

The haunting silence

holding steady 

among the night glow,

I slowly look up

through my window

and finally see

the moonlight shimmer

and realize

I am not alone,

I cry my tears toward the heavens

knowing there are others

looking up

at this same night sky

also watching

this magnificent moon

shimmering its glow

down upon

our salty droplets of sorrow,

And for an instant

these tears of mine

stop

knowing the moon

hides

the pain and sorrow 

we share with it

behind its ghostly beauty,

And for a night

I finally find peace

as my eyes slowly close to sleep

below this

moonlight shimmer.

-Armando Torres