Monday, December 10, 2018

I forgot to feel v2


"I forgot to feel"
it lost itself somewhere behind these eyes of mine,
some kind of sorrow I forgot to feel,
its there somehow
and yet
perhaps
it is not,
maybe its what I tell myself
in those lonely moments
where nothing exists except me and my thoughts.
The darkness lingers longer than it should
with the swell of tears brimming at the edges
but I just hide it deep
so far beneath these eyes of mine,
that somehow
it lost itself somewhere,
some kind of sorrow I forgot to feel,
even though I know
I did not.
-Armando Torres

yore



"yore"
A Death
of a young man
whom had his whole life
ahead of him
Stuck in a lucid illusion
of what it was to live a life
long and weary.
A life long enough to linger around
and remind of all his years,
to finally feel the folds of skin
on his face
forming those rich deep wrinkles
from years
he forgot to live.
-Armando Torres

Thursday, December 6, 2018

One leaf left v2.


"One leaf left"
The last Autumn breath
     slides it's soft caress
          across my face
               as it gives way
                    for the hard cold of winter's chill.
On the gentle sways of silence
               a painful gray hangs heavy
          on the icy air
     as the trees become barren of all their leaves
except for one.

               I see this one leaf left.

My eyes gloss over
as they hold
on the delicate fluttering
               Of this single leaf,
at the edge of it's absolution, just
clinging beyond the inevitable.

This leaf,
     holds and sways
     in defiance of winter's breeze,
And as winter waits
behind a shimmering veil
of dancing white,
               my eyes cling to this single leaf.

As I fight
     the swell of time
that has begun to drip
          to the very end of my lashes
to see this one leaf left,
A sharp cool wind
     swims in past the empty branches
          toward this last leaf.

Fluttering
     And
Flipping,
   
     Its stem is ripped away
          From it's home.
                                   My eyes shoot upward
                with this leaf,
                                   watching it dance
          across the sky
                    And as I do
         These tears of mine finally
Begin to fall.
-Armando Torres

Wednesday, December 5, 2018

"a hint of winter" v2.


"a hint of winter"
a cold grey lingers at the edges
     of everywhere I look,
a hint of winter hangs on the air
bringing with it
a crisp freshness
that courses through my lungs,

I see winter creeping in
and there's now a hint of memory
on the cool air,
reminiscent flashes of a past I once knew
but I never know anymore,
only remember now just enough
to feel the desolate pull
of what once was,
at the mercy of this winter wind
    just hoping for another glimpse.
-Armando Torres

Friday, November 30, 2018

the divide


"the divide"
It's easier in the dark
to see
all those delicate things
that we find so hard,
all those things
we would want gone
but instead are there
lingering
just beyond the edges of perception,

     so as the endless black caresses me
and I find my eyes lost in it again,
the past comes alive
manifesting from the walls
and becoming the reality
my mind so helplessly sees.

Somewhere inside all this
     my eyes open
and I exist once more
within the darkness,
where I've come to finally realize
its easier for me to see
in the dark
     all those things I missed.
-Armando Torres

Thursday, November 29, 2018

was once

"was once"
Some piece of me broke-
finally giving way
     and I'm not sure who it is
still standing here
     in front of this mirror.
Perhaps in this reflection
sits a life filled with pleasures
without apprehension,

Or perhaps a depression so deep
     it smiles-yet a smile
can no longer be found
anywhere
     in this reflection,

Perhaps a life reflected
that is so far away
that what stands here
is but only a memory
     of what
was once.
-Armando Torres

Wednesday, November 28, 2018

of sin


"of sin"
I sit in silence this terrible night
pondering the idea of sin
once more. 

My mind fading away into the void. 

The seam of my reality
bleeding into the blackness
that creeps in from the edges. 

My mind again reaches out
     into the horrible infinity. 

It is here where the silvery veil of thought
     pulls back,
falling gently
before melting away
     into oblivion.
-Armando Torres

Tuesday, November 27, 2018

as is everything


"as is everything"
slowly sliding over the ground
a low cold fog creeps in
draping everything inside a milky haze.
the day seems to have moved on
leaving behind all that ever was in this mist.
     moments and seconds long since forgotten
          left to be remembered,   
as is everything in the end.

lost in the monotony of it all-
these smoldering remains
wait to be painted over top
this ghostly haze
that has moved in
forming memories of dreary designs.

a life once lived,
     now only
a withering memory,
clinging
to
a
moment
hoping perhaps,
all this
since then,
was a dream.
     As is everything in the end.
-Armando Torres

Monday, November 26, 2018

Altschmerz


"Altschmerz"
I can see now
how someone can live in sorrow
drinking down moments of regret
as to not think
     perhaps those mistakes
         that were made
              would have been
                    all the difference,
small reminders exist everywhere
and they have become so hard
that I have begun to hide my heart away,
yet hidden from who
because there is no one searching for me,
I hide but no one is looking.
-Armando Torres

Sunday, November 25, 2018

snowflake splendor


"snowflake splendor"
Sitting inside with windows closed
     as it snows outside.

the cool breath of winter
hits the edges of the window pane,
and there
beyond the glass
the soft fog forms.

Somewhere in this December white
sits silence
shedding tears for something so far away.
Alone feels so alone this time of year
and the pain so painful.

the sky slowly falls
settling softly on the icy sidewalks
blending it all together.
Crystals of infinite shapes
reach and stretch
from the edges
of the window
as the somber white
paints
a December winter not worth remembering.

A ghostly visage of silvery seconds spent
hidden somewhere behind these flakes of snow
hiding the dying light.
Looking out once more
from behind the glass
I finally shed the tears of snowflake splendor
     and am left to watch fall all the snow.
-Armando Torres

Thursday, November 15, 2018

Attrition

"Attrition"
If I could
I would
but I can't
so I won't
so I'm not.
  but I should.
-Armando Torres

Thursday, November 8, 2018

The moon



"The moon"
I knew in that moment
breathing in the hot night air
looking up out the window,
she was looking at the same moon
that night
     just like I was.
Perhaps, holding back the tears
better than I was.
I found our sorrow
in that moon
that night
and I cried.
Moments like that never go away.
-Armando Torres

Friday, November 2, 2018

sense of time



"sense of time"
I stay frozen
     in a single position
losing all sense of time.
barely moving
or even wanting to.
the world just blurs from view
as I sit here like stone.  unmoving.  just staring.
seeing only memories
that fall away so easily
at any thought.

my mind jumping through every regret,
every happy moment that was,
all those moments feeling real
but are only a hazy dream now
that swirl away and hide
in darkness
at the mere touch of reality,

i barely even have
the motivation to move my eyes anymore,

only existing here now
as a point for these memories
of depressive reminiscence,
all this fake weight of my mind
made as real as a mountain,
paralyzing my ability to learn,
killing me with every moment
as I sit and stare and
lose all sense of time.
-Armando Torres

Wednesday, July 25, 2018

now...?




"now...?"
The city
with all its history
brings all these memories of mine
that count for almost nothing,
if not
for these seemingly endless moments of the present
that add relevance to these same seconds
that may have already existed eons ago.

The streets with all these lights
and alleyways
that turn and curve and stretch away
in every direction,
hide almost ghost like moments
on their concrete corners.
Moments...
that exist now
purely for the purpose of being remembered.

The sway and flow of people and sounds
on these corners
moves through
and around
these delicate hints of a bygone time.

As the glow of the lights drape and hang
from these buildings,
time seems to drizzle away
letting slip through glimpses of memory
like rain sliding down a window
-Armando Torres

Tuesday, February 6, 2018

for always



"for always"
My head hangs heavy
toward the ground,
the sounds and colors
of the world
melt away
and my mind
exists now
purely on the periphery
of where
reality and time
split,

I don't notice the soft breeze
swirling through the trees
or
the leaves of every shade
of orange and brown
dancing and jumping at my feet,

I see only memory
as the here and now
as it slides past me,
leaving me
with these hollow thoughts,

where is it I exist
if not here...now
on this bench,
waiting,

where is it
they've all gone
since the last time, I don't remember anymore,

I look up now
and see the world has changed,
so much,

and know they've all been gone for some time,

I wait however,
as the season's change again,
and reminisce again
when they used to come visit,

the world has moved on from me
and I wait as a relic of a bygone time,

where is it I exist
if they've left for always,

the world fades finally
and I feel the uneasy peace of being forgotten to time.
-Armando Torres

Happy Birthday Corina

Perhaps...



"Perhaps..."
Perhaps its the gray
this time of year brings,

or
perhaps,
the way the wind
slides by my face
that I ponder the idea.

Memory seems to fade now
from the edges
and every so often
slips out
on the whispers of my breath

and yet,

I still see you in every moment.

However,
not as a relic of antiquity
of a life
once lived through,

nor
as a thing that once was

or
as something that
was once,

but rather
as a movement of now.

The memory is an illusion of the present.

Reality slowly swirls
and curves
and forms
before me
through this very moment
painting a picture
of all
that ever was,

It slowly swirls
and curves
and fades away
as it passes through
this point of existence
as if never existing at all,

Disappearing in the infinite wake of time,

only now
through this very moment
of every moment
can I remember you
for always
and find you,

because this life lingering
is but a memory,

of fleeting moments of now,

and death the realization
that now was the only moment that ever mattered.
-Armando Torres

Happy Birthday Corina