Monday, June 23, 2014

I forgot to feel

"I forgot to feel"
it lost itself somewhere behind these eyes of mine,
some kind of sorrow I forgot to feel,
its there somehow and yet perhaps
it is not,
maybe its what I tell myself
in those lonely moments where nothing exists but me and my thoughts.
I forgot to feel
with the swell of tears brimming at the edges of my eyes.
The darkness lingers longer than it should
but I just hide it deep beneath these eyes of mine,
somehow however
it lost itself somewhere,
I know I should know
but it has faded away to the smallest corners
making me believe it is gone
and I believe
as the swell of tears stream from my eyes
even though I know it is not.
-Armando Torres

Right Now

"Right Now"
small nights,
dry heat.
no light save the low glow of the television screen,
muted with no sound save our own.
the bitter naive early play of our guitars,
late hours of escape, no company save our own,
no money, no reasons, no fancy phones...just
small nights in the summer
existing purely for the joy of forgetting,
the soft darkness washed on all the walls
hard strumming, fingers sore, steel strings,
passing the hard hours for the late night
trying purely for the joy of forgetting
and remembering perhaps not to.
-Armando Torres

Like Always

"Like Always"
I look out to the city
from across the way
and know that somewhere
you're there,
even maybe
looking back my way.
Eyes connecting
in painful ignorance
never allowed
to realize each other.
Just to sit
and think to ourselves
that maybe
one day
everything will go away.
Or perhaps
it's just me thinking.
I look out to the city
and try to ignore
the thoughts of you
looking back at me.
I know you're there
but I will just stay
a ways away.
Like always.
-Armando Torres

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

like a flower

"like a flower"
we always take what we see
forgetting there is so much more
to the world
that cannot be seen,
like a seed to a flower,
beauty forever captured inside
to sprout and yet
perhaps it was never meant to be,
we forget the beauties
that exist beyond
the silvery veil
there where all things we remember to find
lay in wait,
but alas
we must always never forget
to question our own minds
and find that which the world
would hide for itself.
-Armando Torres

Monday, September 16, 2013

Too Long

"Too Long"
I've lived and I've lied,
I have hid from myself for too long
and now stand with tightly closed eyes
to find only
the infinite black
that lie before me,
I have come to realize
it is not so empty inside
only dark and full of hate
full of painful stains,
I have come to see
that which I thought
I would never witness.
So here I am
with all my pain and hate
waiting at your door
with eyes closed so tight
I have come to no choice
but to realize why.
-Armando Torres

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Out There

"Out There"
The sun sits
beyond the blinds
lighting the world
I only peer upon,
from behind
the glass walls
of all shapes
and gazing at all the wonder
only for it to remind me
life moves on.
I stare out
and hear the echo
far away
and ponder upon
that sound of water
and forget all over again.
-Armando Torres

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Well Beyond

"Well Beyond"
Somewhere there
in a far away land
between the draping trees and flowing grass
well beyond the frozen mountains
sits a man,
there where all exists upon a moment,
he sits waiting
upon a gilded throne
beyond the worries of normal men,
and perhaps
finds time a simple pleasure
to indulge and crush
between his fingertips
like the sands upon a beach
to make his will his own,
he sits head hung heavy
resting upon that fitted throne
perhaps to ponder
the specks of light
that peek out from behind the veil
only to have the night sky reveal to him
all the secrets it would keep from the minds of men,
his gaze extends well beyond the silvery ends of the majestic world
and finds all the answers forsaken to normal men
and looks out to each of us
over the frothy clouds and icy mountains
and smiles
realizing he never saw anything other than
what history had already painted over again.
-Armando Torres

Friday, March 1, 2013


Perhaps its been there longer
all the while
time grows around its corners,
hidden back behind 
the old moss and tall grass,
waiting in glorious patience
a past relic perhaps
gone from light and wonder
only to be discovered
in a time long since passed,
days now hold
only hollow reminders
that perhaps
its been there forever...
-Armando Torres

Sunday, January 20, 2013


An orb crashes upon the shores of creation, an orb of one shape and pure color pulls away from the monotony of silvery whites to find its will and way.  Forming from the whites and grays of its past splashing now among the swirls of curves and lines of intersecting contradiction perhaps tempting it to seize a moment from the sea and form in its infancy, the ancient pillars of imagination and find the simple lines of all kinds of beauty entwined, forming the perfect amalgamation of creation and chaos all for our eyes to settle upon.  Forever frozen perhaps somewhere along nature's design existing as a mastery of imagination.  An orb dripping lines and swirls of silvery whites and grays creating only what our mind can paint, it settles among the monotony of life and finds time has stopped and given memory to this piece of art.
-Armando Torres


Its not like a line of cotton thread or that of small lines from ink and pen where we discover all the things we find to ponder.  Perhaps it is the fabric of wonder where these lines of pen and pencil stay entwined to stay in place as a piece forever for our eyes to follow upon the splendid designs of fine lines.  For there exists upon the fabric of wondrous elegance a balance of real world design and artistry of reality on the very tips of imagination.  It is here where we find the threads of fabric to reality to pull upon given to our eyes to look upon and notice that time has stopped perhaps forever just for this beautiful composition that lay at the precipice of existence.  Hand to paper leading with pencil and pen erasing all the restrictions we face upon peering over realism we finally realize its not like a line of cotton thread or that of small lines from ink and pen but instead only that which our mind can paint.
-Armando Torres

Monday, January 14, 2013

Not for me,

"Not for me,"
Love it seems is not for the weak, not for the ones looking or seeking or hoping. It would seem love is not for me.  I hate to remember because I can still find your face and when the distance from my hurt and your soft face is the same I find time serves only as a reminder that love is not for the weak.  I heard you moved away, loved again but why is it I can still feel your tears on my cheek after I left.  I made a mistake and now watch as you go, walk that distance of my regret.  I try each and every day to forget and yet, here I am still loving all I have left, a memory, a shadow of a life I gave away.  Love it would seem is not for the weak, not for the ones scared to see it, not for those seeking for a moment of bliss or a kiss or just a single day of happiness, love it would seem is not for me.
-Armando Torres

December embers

"December embers"
There's a cold gray stale feeling of icy wind slicing pass my cheeks as I stand inches deep in snowflakes lost in the monotony of empty trees and white sidewalks, inside the low snow falls and rocks of all shapes.  A ghostly visage of silvery remains waiting to be painted throughout my mind and I am reminded how gray this time of year becomes with tears of splendid designs. The smoldering ash of this dying fire fights among the icy chill and I forget where it is we were.  Its hard to find where you and all the rest end and my life begins inside all this December white.  Blended all together in silver and gray floating a midst a winter breeze all those moments that were seized on the elegant splendor of icy diamonds.  I have not yet found those seconds again I thought we spent together hidden somewhere behind these flakes of snow, however although I may have had your kisses on these empty benches I now only feel the dreary somberness this time of year brings for me. I stand beside our dying fire and watch again as the embers of this white December wither its last glow and instead now left to watch fall all the snow.
-Armando Torres

Friday, January 11, 2013

Full Inside

"Full Inside"
I have a demon inside of me.  It lives without much of anything as it lingers on the deepest things of me, salivating on the simplest of secrets.  I have never had it shown, for the world would never again have me but as the years hang heavy it becomes even more simple for this demon to find the things it needs.  I would never show but I feel I lost control a long while ago and now this demon perhaps has a soul with no control living inside of it.
-Armando Torres

The Demon from My Dreams

"The Demon from My Dreams"
I see him everywhere now, the demon from my dreams. 
Its not always real or perhaps 
its what it would have me believe 
leaving me to ponder the course of his will 
beyond the confines my wonder. 
Reality it seems has abandoned me; 
for all that is 
feels a blur 
and from the corner 
his searing red eyes are fixed upon my torture and pain. 
Alas, for he and I know 
I can feel the pain no longer 
but only that of 
the horrible emptiness of the void. 
The mind 
was never meant to find the vastness of hell 
or that of beyond, 
never meant to linger about 
on the edges of madness 
there at the cliff of all sanity 
to tumble over far beyond the lines in our mind 
to fall and find the demons of the void 
to be real. 
I fear the cracks are beyond repair 
and hell has found me 
but perhaps 
it is what will bring me back. 
The dreams have blended into reality 
and the horror of hell sits in the room with me 
waiting for me to take the tumble. 
I have failed in my madness 
to find the edges 
and perhaps that will cost me more than my soul. 
I think however, 
the infinite void 
is far worse than all the horrors of hell 
and now begin the talks 
with the demon of my dreams 
to perhaps find any kind of salvation 
from the torture before me.
-Armando Torres

Monday, December 31, 2012

Our Places

"Our Places"
The dead faces stare blankly back at me facing forward from the walls, stiff and eyes wide there to stay and stare where I look and pretend perhaps they are not there.  The darkness slithers over everything as it does always into every corner except unto those faces.  Dark thoughts of the most terrible kind find me this night and I cry for my regrets and yet only leave with the stained mind of a life not worth living; and I am reminded.  I have found that which someone else perhaps was looking for because these horrors have me tortured and torn leaving me a pathetic mess of fear and regret.  And I lay and pray and cry and stay inside this darkness forever forgetting what the day looks like and instead realizing my hell has found me.  Oh the places I had yet to see.
-Armando Torres

Monday, March 19, 2012

Where are You?

Where are you
because I can only remember you
and every time I look around I find you've been gone for a very long time.
I don't believe this world my eyes see,
this yellow grass and those chubby bees, these trees of autumn leaves. I look and refuse to believe all that this world would have me look upon and ponder, only to have the answers work within the confines of my wonder.
Where did it all go because its still here
right in front of me.
I wish I could spend another
on those empty benches
kissing another kiss,
but I can't find
any of the daylight
or even the bitter cold of night
like I remember.
I can't find any other day like those we took even though
its all
still there when I look.
My memory continues to show me my time without it all.
I linger about now and wait every year when you come here
to visit
my gravestone
but time has shown me
another summer
without you and your visit.
where are you
because I can still remember you
but every time I look around I realize
I've been gone
for a very long time.
-Armando Torres

Monday, March 5, 2012


Why is it when
there are things I see
your face
it seems
always appears.
I can't hear a song
or breath the air
without the thought
of where we were
just a time ago
filling my mind
and withering my will
to move.
I could
by chance
live the rest
without my past
I would relish a bliss
of ignorance
and say goodbye
to regret and fear,
I should however
never forget
those moments we shared
we thought were the rest of our lives,
a whole lifetime spent
I wish I could forget
but know shouldn't
because even though
you're gone now
I always everyday
visit your grave.

Friday, March 2, 2012

I Know Now...

"I Know Now..."
Its gone,
those days we knew
would never end.
Gone Goodbye,
all over again,
I remember because
its all still there.
it feels
as if it never left.
I wish we knew
how bad it would hurt
because then
would likely be
a game
we never played.
The taste of this
bittersweet defeat
lingers far longer
than me never knowing.
I would never know
your kiss,
never to feel the naked brush
of your skin against mine,
I would always dine
without your judgmental eyes,
being glad I lived alone,
would have sat on the couch
by myself to watch
and laugh with the empty room,
I would watch through
my window
as other couples passed
never knowing that game
they were playing,
but always knowing
deep down
I wish I knew
what it felt like.
-Armando Torres

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

my beautiful mistake

"my beautiful mistake"
I knew then
I only regretted
having should have,
I never knew
you would be
so cruel,
the echoes
sway back and forth
inside my head
and yet
all I can hear
are the soft droplets
of rain.
I wanted to say
the right thing,
the one thing,
but I can no longer hear
what we said
in those last moments.
Your last words
just echo
back and forth
as a banging
inside my head.
I stand now
outside in darkness
wanting still
to say
so many things,
instead stand now
eyes upward,
in the falling rain,
my beautiful mistake.
-Armando Torres

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

blank space

'blank space"
remember when we laid on the carpet for hours
boxes all about, dishes un-packed,
laid there and stared,
empty walls to look at and
new counters,
smiled at all the blank space
because this was our first place.
remember when we fell asleep on the couch
blanket snug around, t.v. still on,
laid there and slept,
too cold inside on those winter days
to lay alone on the couch,
we just kissed all the cold away,
we used to talk and laugh
took baths together, had our pictures on the walls together,
burned boredom together,
but now we barely know each other,
just have those stares
on our faces
to read all the words we didn't say to each other,
remember when the cold inside felt colder when the bed was for one,
when the couch had no one,
when we finally found the words we shouldn't have said and said them,
when the walls and counters became empty again,
when we plastered over the holes
cleaned the halls
packed the boxes
and stared at all the blank space again.
-Armando Torres