Monday, March 20, 2017
Somewhere in this soft gray of night
I can feel the soft caress of your kisses against my neck,
I take a moment to find your eyes
find all the things I've ever wanted to do,
Through the steady touches of your lips against mine
a smooth icy chill slithers its way down my spine
and I slide in between your soft opened thighs,
and all the moments I have ever had
stay frozen in place
as time lets move
the moonlight glitters
of those beautiful eyes of yours,
As I feel your hand softly slide up mine
I fall even more mesmerized
with every intimate moment of you,
I can no longer ignore the desire,
I'm too far in love with how it all feels
to ever look back,
I want it all
the silky sensation of our naked bodies sliding against one another,
our deep, long breaths to be the only sounds as we slide back and forth,
to feel the inside of your arousal,
I want it all
I'm still only here staring into your eyes,
your beautiful eyes.
I lost you somewhere
in between the fights and those lovely nights,
somewhere beyond our first kiss,
but now nothing is left of what was us,
just single moments cut away to reminisce.
All those nights we spent together
talking for hours
selling away the day
for moments with each other.
Looking for the chances
to touch your hand,
Remembering the first time
your lips touched mine
and holding one another.
the silence hangs heavy now that you're not here,
Suddenly now all this pain
and I have no blame to give
because I tell myself I was worth leaving,
even if you said to me as much hurtful things as I did to you.
we fell apart,
It is here where the silvery veil of thought
pulls back for me,
and memory seems to fall gently
with December's chill.
Touching ever so softly before melting away
only for another to come along and touch
with another reminiscent flash
of a time long since passed.
I've thought a lot about these pieces.
I hold you dear I do, I miss you
but now only realize it isn't you,
you left a long while ago, you are no longer here,
so time holds no solutions
when I can't figure out
how to go one day without you.
I hate how much you still mean to me.
I stand here alone trying to find myself again
only to find the regrets,
hoping one day
I wake up and you are no longer in my thoughts,
hoping this pain would just end.
But every time I see your side of the bed
I feel the hole again.
I don't know how to say I miss you
because I've been told I'm not supposed to,
but how am I to fall out of love with you
if I can't find a way to resent you.
These pieces belong to me
and those lovely mornings
we had together
they belong to time now,
just distant memories
but always felt.
Nothing is left now but the calmness of my nights
and the somberness of day,
Nothing is left of what was us,
just single moments cut away,
Tuesday, March 14, 2017
I stared at the ceiling
trying to make out sentences
through the endless wrinkles
but found only the monotonous words
willing to show,
in the swirling and shifting space
of my imagination
forming from the whites and hues of gray
I found the absolution of my existence.
What I thought the world was
a mastery of creation
willing only to show
the reflections of my own memories.
I only saw what I've already seen,
Oh my beautiful skinny love
how I love you so,
with you leaving me
I find the memories of us
just so painful to play.
I couldn't hide the swell of tears
when you looked at me
I love you...
I told you to just hold on,
but watched helplessly
as you tried to do
what you could not,
no matter how hard you tried.
but you couldn't,
I wanted you to be around
for the summer days,
for the cold winter to pass,
to see the sun wash away this somber gray
that lingers in the air.
lying there in bed,
wires all around,
My skinny love
you lost all your weight
and I hated to sit and wait
for the day you left.
You looked at me
with your sunken eyes
and skinny cheeks
to say I love you
you ceased to move
and I watched as the life left your eyes,
and silence filled the room.
I told you to just hold on,
but you could not.
Wednesday, February 22, 2017
slides it's soft caress
across my face
as it gives way
for the hard cold of winter's chill.
a painful gray hangs heavy
on the icy air,
And the trees are barren of all their leaves
except for one.
as they hold still
on the delicate fluttering
Of this single leaf,
at the edge of it's absolution,
clinging beyond the inevitable.
in defiance of winter's breeze,
and as winter waits
behind a shimmering veil
of dancing light,
my eyes cling to this single leaf.
the swell of time
that has begun to drip
to the very end of my lashes,
to see this one leaf left.
A sharp cool wind
swims in past the empty branches
toward this last leaf.
Its stem is ripped away
From it's home.
My eyes shoot upward
with this leaf,
watching it dance
across the sky
And as I do
My tears finally
Begin to fall.
Posted by TheFLy at 5:41 PM
Monday, June 23, 2014
"I forgot to feel"
it lost itself somewhere behind these eyes of mine,
some kind of sorrow I forgot to feel,
it's there somehow and yet perhaps
it is not,
maybe its what I tell myself
in those lonely moments where nothing exists but me and my thoughts.
I forgot to feel
with the swell of tears brimming at the edges of my eyes.
The darkness lingers longer than it should
but I just hide it deep beneath these eyes of mine,
it lost itself somewhere,
I know I should know
but it has faded away to the smallest corners
making me believe it is gone
and I believe it is
as the swell of tears stream from these eyes
even though I know it is not.
no light save the low glow of the television screen,
so no sound save our own.
the bitter naive early play of our guitars,
late hours of escape, no company save our own,
no money, no reasons, no fancy phones...just
small nights in the summer
existing purely for the joy of forgetting,
the soft darkness washing all the walls
hard strumming and fingers sore, steel strings,
passing the hard hours for the late night
trying purely for the joy of forgetting
and remembering perhaps not to.
I look out to the city
from across the way
and know that somewhere
looking back my way.
in painful ignorance
to realize each other.
Just to sit
and think to ourselves
everything will go away.
it's just me thinking.
I look out to the city
and try to ignore
the thoughts of you
looking back at me.
I know you're there
but I will just stay
a ways away.
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Monday, September 16, 2013
I've lived and I've lied,
I have hid from myself for too long
and now stand with tightly closed eyes
to find only
the infinite black
that lie before me,
I have come to realize
it is not so empty inside
only dark and full of hate
full of painful stains,
I have come to see
that which I thought
I would never witness.
So here I am
with all my pain and hate
waiting at your door
with eyes closed so tight
I have come to no choice
but to realize why.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
The sun sits
beyond the blinds
lighting the world
I only peer upon,
the glass walls
of all shapes
and gazing at all the wonder
only for it to remind me
life moves on.
I stare out
and hear the echo
and ponder upon
that sound of water
and forget all over again.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
in a far away land
between the draping trees and flowing grass
well beyond the frozen mountains
sits a man,
there where all exists upon a moment,
he sits waiting
upon a gilded throne
beyond the worries of normal men,
finds time a simple pleasure
to indulge and crush
between his fingertips
like the sands upon a beach
to make his will his own,
he sits head hung heavy
resting upon that fitted throne
perhaps to ponder
the specks of light
that peek out from behind the veil
only to have the night sky reveal to him
all the secrets it would keep from the minds of men,
his gaze extends well beyond the silvery ends of the majestic world
and finds all the answers forsaken to normal men
and looks out to each of us
over the frothy clouds and icy mountains
realizing he never saw anything other than
what history had already painted over again.
Friday, March 1, 2013
Sunday, January 20, 2013
An orb crashes upon the shores of creation, an orb of one shape and pure color pulls away from the monotony of silvery whites to find its will and way. Forming from the whites and grays of its past splashing now among the swirls of curves and lines of intersecting contradiction perhaps tempting it to seize a moment from the sea and form in its infancy, the ancient pillars of imagination and find the simple lines of all kinds of beauty entwined, forming the perfect amalgamation of creation and chaos all for our eyes to settle upon. Forever frozen perhaps somewhere along nature's design existing as a mastery of imagination. An orb dripping lines and swirls of silvery whites and grays creating only what our mind can paint, it settles among the monotony of life and finds time has stopped and given memory to this piece of art.
Its not like a line of cotton thread or that of small lines from ink and pen where we discover all the things we find to ponder. Perhaps it is the fabric of wonder where these lines of pen and pencil stay entwined to stay in place as a piece forever for our eyes to follow upon the splendid designs of fine lines. For there exists upon the fabric of wondrous elegance a balance of real world design and artistry of reality on the very tips of imagination. It is here where we find the threads of fabric to reality to pull upon given to our eyes to look upon and notice that time has stopped perhaps forever just for this beautiful composition that lay at the precipice of existence. Hand to paper leading with pencil and pen erasing all the restrictions we face upon peering over realism we finally realize its not like a line of cotton thread or that of small lines from ink and pen but instead only that which our mind can paint.
Monday, January 14, 2013
"Not for me,"
Love it seems is not for the weak, not for the ones looking or seeking or hoping. It would seem love is not for me. I hate to remember because I can still find your face and when the distance from my hurt and your soft face is the same I find time serves only as a reminder that love is not for the weak. I heard you moved away, loved again but why is it I can still feel your tears on my cheek after I left. I made a mistake and now watch as you go, walk that distance of my regret. I try each and every day to forget and yet, here I am still loving all I have left, a memory, a shadow of a life I gave away. Love it would seem is not for the weak, not for the ones scared to see it, not for those seeking for a moment of bliss or a kiss or just a single day of happiness, love it would seem is not for me.
There's a cold gray stale feeling of icy wind slicing pass my cheeks as I stand inches deep in snowflakes lost in the monotony of empty trees and white sidewalks, inside the low snow falls and rocks of all shapes. A ghostly visage of silvery remains waiting to be painted throughout my mind and I am reminded how gray this time of year becomes with tears of splendid designs. The smoldering ash of this dying fire fights among the icy chill and I forget where it is we were. Its hard to find where you and all the rest end and my life begins inside all this December white. Blended all together in silver and gray floating a midst a winter breeze all those moments that were seized on the elegant splendor of icy diamonds. I have not yet found those seconds again I thought we spent together hidden somewhere behind these flakes of snow, however although I may have had your kisses on these empty benches I now only feel the dreary somberness this time of year brings for me. I stand beside our dying fire and watch again as the embers of this white December wither its last glow and instead now left to watch fall all the snow.
Friday, January 11, 2013
I have a demon inside of me. It lives without much of anything as it lingers on the deepest things of me, salivating on the simplest of secrets. I have never had it shown, for the world would never again have me but as the years hang heavy it becomes even more simple for this demon to find the things it needs. I would never show but I feel I lost control a long while ago and now this demon perhaps has a soul with no control living inside of it.
from the torture before me.
Monday, December 31, 2012
The dead faces stare blankly back at me facing forward from the walls, stiff and eyes wide there to stay and stare where I look and pretend perhaps they are not there. The darkness slithers over everything as it does always into every corner except unto those faces. Dark thoughts of the most terrible kind find me this night and I cry for my regrets and yet only leave with the stained mind of a life not worth living; and I am reminded. I have found that which someone else perhaps was looking for because these horrors have me tortured and torn leaving me a pathetic mess of fear and regret. And I lay and pray and cry and stay inside this darkness forever forgetting what the day looks like and instead realizing my hell has found me. Oh the places I had yet to see.