similar places of yore

"similar places of yore"
I find myself staring daringly into the unknown for those whose eyes stab into my back piercing deep just to catch a glimpse of what I see. I cant ever find my way back and yet somehow I find myself in similar places of yore; we live-we die and we find that which makes us see what we really never left, so there you stay in yester year staring daringly into here and now and yet somehow only let your eyes pierce my back just for that small glimpse of what I see. So I find myself in days forever gone trying desperately to find that which I think I see, only to say I believe those days are gone, only to let the long circles of night grow and the sounds of relevance pass looking back only to find myself in the same place I never thought Id be but yet somehow catch a glimpse of things I forgot to see.
-Armando Torres

...inside forever

"...inside foerver"
...inside forever however, we never remind ourselves of the blind temptations that linger on the edges of depression for it is we that lie at the center of what it is to be and never do we find ourselves where we should be except there in that moment that seems to last for nothing but as a memory of pure nostalgia, though amensia drenched insomnia forces us to forget as the dark rings crop around things we finally see and has eluded us for so long, we finally remind ourselves just so we can forget inside forever.
-Armando Torres

I'll be There Soon

"I'll be There Soon"
Oh how the twisted and contorted pictures of the world before my very eyes have unraveled into the very words that my mind has painted alive. It must have been the beer; its clear now that it was the liquor; I'm sure it was the shrooms; I know now Ill be there soon but for now I ride the high tide through these strange rainbows and butterflies, these loud sounds and white lights. I sway off the walls and fall upward toward the heavens as my eyes roll backward, the world seems to be playing with me, the stars and moon, I know now Ill be there soon. Where is it that I find these wonderful places, in all the faces, in between the spaces, somewhere crazy because these little pills sit still until I find my third eye to solve my problem of balance, at first glance my first chance is walking sideways on my wall but just fall and crawl to where I end, cause I aint immune. I know now Ill be there soon.
-Armando Torres

another thing

"another thing"
The same monotonous morning, the same damn buzzing of the clock, the same fucking feeling of falling in the same spot. I can't seem to find the meaning in my mornings anymore except for when I realize there isn't anymore; so there I stay as it comes to this and dissolve away another day tasting only the salty remains of another pointless day. I lose another part of me to the monotony of time, ticking the seconds away to a place forever captured by the meaningless reality of now as I do nothing but lie in bed unraveling the fabrics of my existence to reveal only that hollow part of me. The worn wear of my blanket and bed, the pillows and ringing in my head are all thats left of me here in these mornings. The crumpled mess of sheets and clothes remind me of another monotonous morning, remind me of all but another thing.
-Armando Torres

Pacing

"Pacing"
The sound of that lonely hum outside reminds me of all those lonely nights, constantly finding myself inside pacing to the dark wonders of the night.
It all reminds me of all I've ever done wrong, it all kills me, buries me and nails my coffin shut because alone is as dark and desperate as six feet below the ground with only the muted sounds of screams falling on my own ears.
I can't, won't, and never will find or understand this man I call myself; life somehow has found a way to spit on this face everytime I look up, so I lose myself inside the lonely hum outside as I pace through the motions of my loneliness.
-Armando Torres

My Friend

"My Friend"
Ancient dust, old rust, like a picture worn thin, I look back then to find my friend, somewhere rusted back behind the brand new, its there where I find you always, the tried and truest part of me, however and forever my friend because again and again its you I find in my weakest of moments, in my most cherished of moments, in those few seconds of brittle elegance, the delicate brushes of memory, the touches of back then that makes now so full of meaning, but however and where ever here leads I have found that which beats with me in the truest sense of what it means to finally have that one person that really and truly transcends a relation of end and will always be my friend. I again find myself somewhere back behind the new, right with the old rust, floating in the wind, gliding with the dust, looking back then to finally find that one true friend.
-Armando Torres

a birthday present; Happy Birthday Yessenia!

Painted

"Painted"
I'm saving you in that kiss. I'm dying in this bliss, so as I watch you walk away from me I stand alone forsaken to myself and forever painted in anguish; there to stand frozen in pain there between that square frame, existing only for that moment, I hold it all in waiting for it to end but forge only the memories that will always stay painted, only to ever be. I'm saving your kiss inside this painted abyss only for it to exist as a moment of pure confliction, only so these eyes of mine can always say "I miss you" as they reminsce all the painful hurt. So I'm saving you in that kiss as I forever watch you walk away from me, forever painted in this painful anguish.
-Armando Torres

things we see

"things we see"
my blood stained eyes hold weary the wear of the day and gaze out to the blur in between my face and space, only realizing for a moment existence is futile when you've forgetten about time, all the while line after line it snorts obscurity straight to the brain where all that matters fades and only irrelevance stays. oh yes, this place, is blessed, one less, thing for god and me to see, so I hang my head back again and find that place to look in and instead of finding the end, I do it all over again.
-Armando Torres

beautifully gifted

"beautifully gifted"
There is something profoundly majestic in being so beautifully gifted in fitting with me, yet there exists a love note for no one but the empty air, the filling silence, no one and nothing but the stripped and bare reality that sits in front of my face. These emotions swirl around for nothing and no one and feels all too real even though however and perhaps because there seems to be nothing more but the breaths of whispers right in front of me, nothing more than an empty sore of self torn scabs; nothing more but the barren wasteland of an empty love that exists for no one but for the fact that its fabric of existence needs to be without end. I find myself writing an empty love note for nothing and no one but only for the feeling of finding it inside me without that which should be but isnt, that which should mean but is only meant. But for some other reason other than another, there is something profoundly majestic in being so beautifully gifted in not existing.
-Armando Torres

a perfect chance

"a perfect chance"
A floating amalgamation of inspiration and chance inspires me to write with a fire from inside, a blunder in perfect chaos somewhere floating forever inside some perfect dance, a ballet of thought and glance but alas never touch but that of only a perfect chance. Somehow lost with purpose but found with irrelevance only to realize by chance the chaotically perfect design of simplicity, so these eyes close for they know somehow that in the beauty of that black a floating thought of absolutely everything I want floats inside a perfect chance.
-Armando Torres

dedicated to Kate, my amalgamation

"it aint done"

"it aint done"
slosh it down till its gone, drink it down 'cause its there, gulp it down 'cause it aint done and now watch as the world doesn't care and wait for the room to tilt from side to eye and eye to side. watch as the ground feels like air and drink some more 'cause its there; now forget the day for the night and regret the night in the light as you drain your memories for all they're worth; as floating yellow vacancies. so slosh it down till its gone, drink so more with whores and be sure to gulp it open 'cause it aint done.
-Armando Torres

somewhere there

"somewhere there"
Its there, somewhere right there that I find that moment of peace that lets me melt the rest of the world away. No matter how much happens throughout the day its there, right there that I find the world in a moment and I forget in a moment, the world away. The spring heat whistles outside my window and the soft caresses of warm light touch my face and yet its right there, somewhere away from all that where I forget and life seems to count for nothing other than for that moment.
-Armando Torres

my dichotomy

"my dichotomy"
I hate how you have me, I hate how you love me, I hate that I love you and everything that you do. I hate how your eyes are the most beautiful eyes Ive ever tasted with mine. I hate how your lips taste like pure bliss and I hate how so passionately we kiss. I hate how perfect you feel in my heart and I hate how perfect you smile and I hate how apart we are. I hate how I cant walk away and I hate how I cant say goodbye. I hate how much I love you and I love how much I hate you. I hate this, I hate it. I hate how I can see you but only exist as your secret. I hate how much I love this; I hate my dichotomy.
-Armando Torres

only a tear away

"only a tear away"
I was fooled by the lonely illusion of thought of actually finding 'you'; you were nothing more than a reminder of my lonely life, nothing more than an exercise in delight. We felt right together but the fabrics of responsibility seemed too much in our infant state and you became nothing more but my reminder that life laughs coldest when you cry the loneliest tears. I found you only to not have you because this glass wall is too hard and too high to climb. So its here at my crossroad of life that I find you only a tear away; I miss you I say and you can see it only a tear away.
-Armando Torres

the Kiss that never Ends

"the Kiss that never Ends"
Even though I live most of the day without your kiss I find myself existing inside the small moments shared by our lips, wanting nothing more but to have those kisses to last for always. We kiss and we hold and waste the day with nothing more but the moments in between. I hold the air that lies intertwined between our tongues as we slide past one another until finally that air escapes our lungs where the moment finally lives its last seconds; and it is here at this time again that I start my fantasy again, where your lips contain the kiss that never ends.
-Armando Torres

through this pen

"through this pen"
I have to find myself in the right state of mind to write these words that I find, so to cry my tears through this pen my lonesome thoughts forsaken from the world and forged of things not. I somehow found being bound by my despair keeps me bare enough only to stare away and find these words to say; the empty air hangs heavy inside my room because it is how I find those forgotten thoughts which hide behind all the distractions the world has brought. Somewhere in the empty light that lingers I daze into obscurity and lose my mind only to find it a lonely thought away, only to feel it one single tear away; and I cry, I cry these words through this pen all the thoughts of forsaken men.
-Armando Torres

Was Once but Now Just Was

"Was Once but Now Just Was"
There in the tattered weathered walls, in between those fallen desolate halls, right there beside the peeling paint and somewhere inside this dreary place lies in a different time, in a different life what it was once but is now just was and because time has washed away and has left what is, its many moments slowly slide further from this abandoned place leaving only the hollow silence of forgotten whispers, just enough to remember life lived through, just enough to feel the desolate pull of everything that once was but now exists only as everything that just is and will never be again. So I walk through with echoed steps and the soft ringing in my ears, with the stillness of forgotten elegance and the secrets too soft to hear; looking for the tears this place has shed and find them in places no one would ever care to look because what once was is just enough to be remembered. My eyes find the forgotten corners, the crying walls, the fallen floors and the empty halls. They find the tears that were shed so long ago with no one ever to see them, to be as a ghost and find existence as a hollow reminder on the tips of whispers that it was once but now just was.
-Armando Torres

a pointless speck

"a pointless speck"
I found the meaning of my life just to watch it erode right before my eyes to a pointless speck of pale light shining in the distance in a black sky sprinkled with countless other pointless points. I had found it just to be fooled once more by all my expectations and now find myself in a tender position. A dark sky hanging overhead peppered throughout with tiny specks letting through the faint reminder of everything Ive ever got wrong but shining down a flawless hope like the tip of a diamond only to be ripped away everytime I hang my head down so low, hung heavy because I watch my meaning erode into a pointless speck of pale light.
-Armando Torres

A Chance

"A Chance"
I wanted a chance with you, just a chance. It was over before it ever started and thats why the tears fall on the inside. I wont let you see me cry, I wont let you see these feelings die, you will just taste the painful hurt on my face. Just the empty stare of a broken man, barren and bare, watching you leave with my smile hidden behind those sad eyes of yours because we both know all we needed was a chance, just a chance. I cant see you anymore through this foggy stare, they finally got out and you cant ever see them because your life doesnt need them, it doesnt need me. There's no longer room for that once beautiful secret you gave my eyes everytime I spoke a mile in words, no more room for your smile you hid away from the world and lovingly gave to me. No more and never because our chance is nothing and nowhere. All I ever wanted was a chance, just one chance.
-Armando Torres

I can still...

"I can still..."
I can still taste you on my lips, I can still feel your hand rub mine, I do and still miss you. The day changes for night, the night for day and again we hold our breaths as the end approaches just so we can say goodbye again. We trade today for tomorrow, tomorrow for right now and a little later I can still taste you on my lips. The soft touches of your silky kisses, the shared seconds our lips share and I do still miss you. I close my eyes and lay alone and finally know where that big empty hole no longer is because there in those sensual seconds we shared, I can still taste you on my lips.
-Armando Torres