Tuesday, March 28, 2017
"My Cosmic Ride"
Something plays on the television screen
but I'm not watching,
Its dull hues
of blue and green
are spat on my walls
and the gentle daze of night
shrouds my eyes
as I see something else in the empty space
Somewhere beyond where my eyes seem
to linger exists a memory,
a painted thought,
a sliver of a life remembered
through the brush strokes of melancholy
in glorious shades of black and gray,
above the midnight clouds
bathed in moonlight,
forging forward and catching the passing wave
to ride through the stars,
dogs howling in the distance
but existing now
only in the endless cosmos.
There you are
in my faintest image,
in the corner of my mind
riding this wave along with me,
reaching out with your fingers
over the scattered points of light
remembering those lovely mornings together
the nights we spent whispering stories to each other,
all those lovely moments
as lonely points of pale light
shining their whole existence into my eyes
as flickering moments of irrelevance,
droplets of starlight peppering and piercing the deep black
and yet something more falls than just tears,
It's here I feel the dark again,
the weight of reality
washing over me
and covering my every inch of existence,
I fall ten million miles and crash back
at my television screen.
nothing is left
but the haunting echoes of my regrets,
nothing now but
the faintest image of your smile.
Monday, March 20, 2017
Somewhere in this soft gray of night
I can feel the soft caress of your kisses against my neck,
I take a moment to find your eyes
find all the things I've ever wanted to do,
Through the steady touches of your lips against mine
a smooth icy chill slithers its way down my spine
and I slide softly in between your opened thighs,
and all the moments I have ever had
stay frozen in place
as time lets move
the moonlight glitters
of those beautiful eyes of yours,
As I feel your hand softly slide up mine
I fall even more mesmerized
with every intimate moment of you,
I can no longer ignore the desire,
I'm too far in love with how it all feels
to ever look back,
I want it all
the silky sensation of our naked bodies sliding against one another,
our deep, long breaths to be the only sounds as we slide back and forth,
to feel the inside of your arousal,
I want it all
I'm still only here staring into your eyes,
your beautiful eyes.
I lost you somewhere
in between the fights and our lovely nights,
somewhere beyond our first kiss,
but now nothing is left of what was us,
just single moments cut away to reminisce.
All those nights we spent together
talking for hours
selling away the day
for moments with each other.
Looking for the chances
to touch your hand,
Remembering the first time
your lips touched mine
and holding one another.
the silence hangs heavy now that you're not here,
Suddenly now all this pain
and I have no blame to give
because I tell myself I was worth leaving,
even if you said to me as much hurtful things as I did to you.
we fell apart,
It is here where the silvery veil of thought
pulls back for me,
and memory seems to fall gently
with December's chill.
Touching ever so softly before melting away
only for another to come along and touch
with another reminiscent flash
of a time long since passed.
I've thought a lot about these pieces.
I hold you dear I do, I miss you
but now only realize it isn't you,
you left a long while ago, you are no longer here,
so time holds no solutions
when I can't figure out
how to go one day without you.
I hate how much you still mean to me.
I stand here alone trying to find myself again
only to find the regrets,
hoping one day
I wake up and you are no longer in my thoughts,
hoping this pain would just end.
But every time I see your side of the bed
I feel the hole again.
I don't know how to say I miss you
because I've been told I'm not supposed to,
but how am I to fall out of love with you
if I can't find a way to resent you.
These pieces belong to me
and those lovely mornings
we had together
they belong to time now,
just distant memories
but always felt.
Nothing is left now but the calmness of my nights
and the somberness of day,
Nothing is left of what was us,
just single moments cut away,
Tuesday, March 14, 2017
I stared at the ceiling
trying to make out sentences
through the endless wrinkles
but found only the monotonous words
willing to show,
in the swirling and shifting space
of my imagination
forming from the whites and hues of gray
I found the absolution of my existence.
What I thought the world was
a mastery of creation
willing only to show
the reflections of my own memories.
I only saw what I've already seen,
Oh my beautiful skinny love
how I love you so,
with you leaving me
I find the memories of us
just so painful to play.
I couldn't hide the swell of tears
when you looked at me
I love you...
I told you to just hold on,
but watched helplessly
as you tried to do
what you could not,
no matter how hard you tried.
but you couldn't,
I wanted you to be around
for the summer days,
for the cold winter to pass,
to see the sun wash away this somber gray
that lingers in the air.
lying there in bed,
wires all around,
My skinny love
you lost all your weight
and I hated to sit and wait
for the day you left.
You looked at me
with your sunken eyes
and skinny cheeks
to say I love you
you ceased to move
and I watched as the life left your eyes,
and silence filled the room.
I told you to just hold on,
but you could not.