Only

"Only"
If only we never met...
or maybe we only met
     but never knew,
only then would we never have found
these kisses of ours.

Memories,
that would never have happened.
Never to feel your touch,
only then would we never know.

But we do know how we feel to the touch,
the way your lips feel against mine,
how time seems to slip away
when I'm with you.
Trading the day hours for the night
waiting for the next time I see you.

Talking to you makes
the whole world melt away
and only you and I are left.
Only your words,
your eyes,
only the way you look at me,
only you
feel where I should be,
only you
are what feels real and right,
here in this stream of experiences and memories,
only your touch.

We are a slice of time
folded over
To exist inside.
A whole world inside a memory.
Our worlds.
Our memories.

I only
want to kiss you
until we get to the best parts
with you.
-Armando Torres

echoes

"echoes"
A memory I thought I lost,
but was always there,
just waiting to be remembered,

I wasn't looking
but somehow
found something,

everything that felt gone
was here again,

this span of time,
that goodbye
we thought was the end,
were all pieces of a future,
that were building to a moment,
that only existed,
if,
we didn't know the difference,
between the past we once had,
and the past we have now,

swirling into existence
a sliver of a second
formed a moment
that held so much more,

the echoes of our choices
left lingering,
forever molding
these moments,
becoming a past
from a future,
we never thought
we would have.
-Armando Torres

curvature

"curvature"
The echoes of my life
linger
inside the grooves of time
curving life into straight lines again,

As the world swirls around me
like a river
bending the earth into curves,
these memories of mine
dance fluidly in magnificent designs
forming moments and
leaving the echoes in sand,
ghostly visages
of a past.
Forever molding and forming the clay of time
in powerful kneads throughout the centuries.
-Armando Torres

Not for me v2.

"Not for me"
Love it seems
     is not for the weak,
     not for the ones looking
          or seeking
               or hoping.
It would seem love is not for me.

When the distance
from the hurt
and
all those beautiful moments
are the same,
Or when
     you find the salty remains
     from the night before
dried
     upon your cheeks,
     time only then
serves
     as a reminder
that Love,
     is not for the weak.

Not for the ones scared to see it,
nor the ones searching for that naive kiss,
not for the shadows,
nor the ones hoping their memory
finds
just one more day of happiness.
Love it seems,
     is not for me.
-Armando Torres

this dream

"this dream"
I still remember you
the way you were,
all those years ago,
     so barely you,
          and yet still,
just the slightest glimpse
of what you would be.

Time seems to have slid by
without us realizing
the space
each missed moment
should have created.

A swirl of memories
neither one of us were there for,
and
yet
perhaps
somewhere we were.

A string of goodbyes
we thought were the end
but were only pieces to this dream.
   
Its all
     it ever is
          in the end.
Just us dreaming with moments missing
wondering where all the time has went.

Never really knowing
the difference,
just knowing the feeling
of remembering you
is what feels real
inside this dream.
-Armando Torres

Full Inside v2.

"Full Inside"
I have a demon inside of me.
It lives
without much of anything,
as it lingers
on the deepest things of me.
Salivating
     on the simplest of secrets.
I have never had it shown,
for the world
would never again
have me.
But as the years
hang heavy
it becomes
simpler
for this demon
to find the things it needs.
I would never show this
but I feel
I lost control
a long while ago
and now,
this demon perhaps
has a soul
with no control
living inside of it.
-Armando Torres

...it

"...it"
I had it once, you know...
didn't know it at the time
until it was gone,
I've only ever given myself to it once
in my life
and now
     the only thing I'm worthy of
     is this ache,
my sweet melancholy is all that's left
     of those special days,

I never knew then
only now
what it was.

Standing here
wishing now
I didn't know at all.

Only realizing
within the bittersweet pain of hindsight,
     at the wrong time
finally comprehending what I lost.
Wishing now
I knew
none of it.
At.
All.
-Armando Torres

fragmented

"fragmented"
I'm barely a piece of a person,
barely what I remember.
so many aspects
of what I was,
left behind somewhere
in those river of seconds
hoping now
that
somehow
looking back into the past
I can find those pieces I lost.
-Armando Torres

All over again

"All over again"
There's a sadness that lives just beneath my skin
and every time this winter wind slides its harsh caress across my face, I feel it again.
Every time the day grows grey
and the silence revisits my existence
I find it again.

Every time My memory overlays the present
for the day to stretch into the past,
I remember again.

When That pain I thought I forgot but never did,
only pretended that it somehow found a way out
of my life,
revisits,
I clutch it again.

There's a sadness there I choose to forget
but
every time the night grows long
and I'm allowed to find all my regrets.
I feel it all over again.
-Armando Torres

safety

"safety"
There's some sort of safety
from inside my depression
that swirls around me
and overlays like a blanket.

I find it so much easier
to cry these private tears
away from all those things
I feel would judge.

These somber shades of grey are all around me
reminding I cannot be happy,
only ever lost in thought.
Always searching,
but never moving.
Only hurting when I feel them all.

I realize the beauty of the world is wasted on me.
So,
     the safety I feel behind this barrier has me convinced it's better this way.
-Armando Torres

those Glowing eyes

"those Glowing eyes"
I sit and write 
my very last words; 
for these words 
have come on their own accord 
to describe the hidden horror 
that surrounds me this very moment. 

My eyes 
this night 
bleed 
these invisible tears
that painfully burn away any hope of sleep.

I cannot escape anymore 
for the darkness surrounds me 
all around. 
And the voices
     -Oh my god those voices, 
whisper deep.
all My secrets
I wish I no longer knew,

The voices tell me My darkest thoughts,
charring my mind
and burning deep 
to where all exists 
as only a distant memory. 

Existing now inside a cesspool of lonesome questions  
I finally see those glowing eyes. 

They burn with searing red 
inside my head, 
for those eyes exist only
to haunt me this night.

The darkness of black 
drips down the walls 
and the silent moans of the wind creeps in; 
For the darkness has me deceived that I cannot leave.

I hope for something more but only see the dripping night,
I wait for something more but only see the glowing eyes,
I see only the haunting lies of my life. 
And Nothing more.
-Armando Torres

A single solitary tear

"A single solitary tear"
I live with this pain 
inside, 
everyday of my life 
and every time 
I stare at the ceiling 
lying awake at night 
I drift away 
from everything 
that is and was 
and finally realize 
the early morning frost forming on my window, 
staining these eyes with what seems 
like, 
forever.

Just falling 
into that single solitary moment 
where time seems to count for nothing. 

All I feel 
is the emptiness 
of hollowed out memories 
of a life not worth living 
And Yet, there, where I look, 
the early morning frost 
begins to form. 

Droplets  of icy water
streaks down the glass 
leaving their trail 
For my eyes to follow, 
not caring if the world will notice, 
just existing for these eyes to hollow. 

Every time 
the night grows long, 
this pain inside 
streaks down my face 
leaving a trail not worth noticing 
and yet still,
the early morning frost forms. 

Thin crystals of ice reach into existence from the edge of the window
waiting for me to find that solitary moment, 
only existing for that one brief instant 
to stain my mind 
and make me see
here in this mirror 
my single solitary tear. 

Drifting away from everything 
and realizing finally 
my pain poured 
into this single tear,
   holds 
the truth 
of how vain it really is. 
-Armando Torres

the divide

"the divide"
It's simpler in the dark
to see
all those delicate little things
that we found so hard,

all those foolish things
we would want gone
but instead
are there,
lingering,
just beyond the edges of perception,

     so as the endless black caresses
I find these eyes lost inside again.

Where the past comes alive
manifesting from the walls
and becoming reality
my mind so helplessly sees.

Somewhere inside all that ever is, was, and will come to pass,
     these eyes open again
and I exist once more
within the darkness,
finally realizing
its simpler for me to see
in the dark,
     all those things I missed.
-Armando Torres

sense of time v2.

"sense of time"
i stay frozen
     in a single position.
fading perception
and
losing
     all sense of time.

barely even moving
nor wanting,
just waiting
as the world just blurs from view.

i sit here like stone.  unmoving.  just staring.
seeing only memories
that fall away so easily
at any thought.
blowing away with the breeze of remembrance.
-Armando Torres

old pain

"old pain"
I sit in silence this night once more,
     pondering the pain,
Lingering
inside the vacant space of thought,
hoping perhaps an answer exists.

I can see now
how someone can live in sorrow,
drinking down moments of regret,
as to not think
     perhaps those mistakes
          that were made
               would have been
                    all the difference.

I trade the calm for the chaos of silence,
where the silvery veil of thought
pulls back,
falling gently,
before letting me
melt away
     into oblivion
     once again.
-Armando Torres

I forgot to feel v2

"I forgot to feel"
it lost itself somewhere behind these eyes of mine,
some kind of sorrow I forgot to feel,
its there somehow
and yet
perhaps
it is not,
maybe its what I tell myself
in those lonely moments
where nothing exists except me and my thoughts.
The darkness lingers longer than it should
with the swell of tears brimming at the edges
but I just hide it deep
so far beneath these eyes of mine,
that somehow
it lost itself somewhere,
some kind of sorrow I forgot to feel,
even though I know
I did not.
-Armando Torres

yore

"yore"
When I finally
realize
time is not kind
to those wishing
for more,
I hope I die,
A Death
of a young man
whom had his whole life
ahead of him
Stuck in a lucid illusion
of what it was to live a life
long and weary.
A life long enough to linger around
and remind of all his years,
to finally feel the folds of skin
on his face
forming those rich deep wrinkles
from years
he forgot to live.
-Armando Torres

One leaf left (second draft)

"One leaf left"

The last Autumn breath
     slides it's soft caress
          across my face
               as it gives way
                    for the hard cold of winter's chill.
On the gentle sways of silence

               a painful gray hangs heavy
          on the icy air
     as the trees become barren of all their leaves
except for one.

               I see this one leaf left.

My eyes gloss over
as they hold
on the delicate fluttering
               Of this single leaf,
at the edge of it's absolution, just
clinging beyond the inevitable.

This leaf,

     holds and sways
     in defiance of winter's breeze,
And as winter waits
behind a shimmering veil
of dancing white,
               my eyes cling to this single leaf.

As I fight
     the swell of time
that has begun to drip
          to the very end of my lashes
to see this one leaf left,
A sharp cool wind
     swims in past the empty branches
          toward this last leaf.

Fluttering
     And
Flipping,
   
     Its stem is ripped away
          From it's home.
                                   My eyes shoot upward
                with this leaf,
                                   watching it dance
          across the sky
                    And as I do
         These tears of mine finally
Begin to fall.

-Armando Torres

"a hint of winter" v2.

"a hint of winter"
a cold grey lingers at the edges
     of everywhere I look,
a hint of winter hangs on the air
bringing with it
a crisp freshness
that courses through my lungs,

I see winter creeping in
and there's now a hint of memory
on the cool air,
reminiscent flashes of a past I once knew
but I never know anymore,
only remember now just enough
to feel the desolate pull
of what once was,
at the mercy of this winter wind
    just hoping for another glimpse.
-Armando Torres

was once

"was once"
Some piece of me broke-
finally giving way
     and I'm not sure who it is
still standing here
     in front of this mirror.
Perhaps a reflection
full of memory and apprehension
filled with regret,

Or perhaps a depression so deep
     it smiles.

Yet a smile
no longer shows
anywhere
     within this reflection,

Perhaps shown
is a life reflected
that is so far away
that what stands here
is
but only a memory
     of what
once was.
-Armando Torres