I Will Destroy You

"I Will Destroy You"

There's a rage brewing in me.

I'm so sensitive

that I will hurt you back and stab

with deadly precision

so you couldn't be able 

to fake the pain

to attack back.

You would instead

have to defend yourself

from things that hurt for real

because that hurt is so deep,

     making you think

     about your own self worth

first

before trying to attack my insecurities.

I will destroy you

before you ever got close

to what makes me tick.

     I would have figured you out

     the moment you started to get to know me,

     I will never feel your hurt.

That self preservation

has left me alone.

I never get close.

Never allowed my heart to open up.

Never built a life or legacy.

Just tried to save myself from bullies.

I just worried about

not letting someone else

hurt my psyche.

But in my twilight years of life

realize now

I only let them win 

by developing

these thick skins

and defense mechanisms.

     I only let

     my own hurt

     leave a lonely

     soul dying

hoping

someone

would come visit me.

But I left nothing behind

and hurt everyone

I ever knew

because

     Not Hurting

was the only thing

that mattered.

So dying alone

in silence

is how that life

that started with such reverence

and screaming

and crying

as a baby

will end.

I'm sorry mom.

I'm sorry dad.

You're gone

and I will be too,

very...

     ...soon.

-Armando Torres