Kairosclerosis

"Kairosclerosis"
Somewhere in this soft gray of night
     I can feel the soft caress of your kisses against my neck,
I take a moment to find your eyes
     and
     instead
     find all the things I've ever wanted to do,

Through the steady touches of your lips against mine
     a smooth icy chill slithers its way down my spine
and I slide softly in between your opened thighs,
          and all the moments I have ever had
stay frozen in place
     as time lets move
nothing more
except
     the moonlight glitters
of those beautiful eyes of yours,

     As I feel your hand softly slide up mine
I fall even more mesmerized
     with every intimate moment of you,

I can no longer ignore the desire,
     I'm too far in love with how it all feels
to ever look back,

     I want it all
I want
     the silky sensation of our naked bodies sliding against one another,
I want
     our deep, long breaths to be the only sounds as we slide back and forth,
       
to feel the inside of your arousal,
   
     I want it all
but
     I'm still only here staring into your eyes,
your beautiful eyes.
-Armando Torres

Pieces

"Pieces"
I lost you somewhere
     in between the fights and our lovely nights,
          somewhere beyond our first kiss,
but now nothing is left of what was us,
                         just single moments cut away to reminisce.
Just pieces.

All those nights we spent together
     talking for hours
          selling away the day
               for moments with each other.
Looking for the chances
     to touch your hand,
               Remembering the first time
your lips touched mine
                         and holding one another.
Gone.

the silence hangs heavy now that you're not here,

Suddenly now all this pain
     and I have no blame to give
because I tell myself I was worth leaving,
even if you said to me as much hurtful things as I did to you.

we fell apart,

It is here where the silvery veil of thought
     pulls back for me,
and memory seems to fall gently
with December's chill.
Touching ever so softly before melting away
     into oblivion,
only for another to come along and touch
     briefly
with another reminiscent flash
of a time long since passed.

I've thought a lot about these pieces.

I hold you dear I do, I miss you
     but now only realize it isn't you,
you left a long while ago, you are no longer here,
so time holds no solutions
when I can't figure out
how to go one day without you.

I hate how much you still mean to me.

I stand here alone trying to find myself again
     only to find the regrets,
hoping one day
I wake up and you are no longer in my thoughts,
hoping this pain would just end.
But every time I see your side of the bed
     I feel the hole again.

I don't know how to say I miss you
     because I've been told I'm not supposed to,
but how am I to fall out of love with you
          if I can't find a way to resent you.

These pieces belong to me
and those lovely mornings
          we had together
they belong to time now,
          just distant memories
          slowly forgotten
               but always felt.

Nothing is left now but the calmness of my nights
          and the somberness of day,
Nothing is left of what was us,
     just single moments cut away,
just pieces.
-Armando Torres

Ceiling Wrinkles

"Ceiling Wrinkles"
I stared at the ceiling
trying to make out sentences
through the endless wrinkles
but found only the monotonous words
willing to show,
in the swirling and shifting space
of my imagination
forming from the whites and hues of gray
I found the absolution of my existence.
What I thought the world was
just wasn't
but instead
is a mastery of creation
willing only to show
the reflections of my own memories.
I only saw what I've already seen,
     the thoughts
     only willing.
-Armando Torres

Skinny Love

"Skinny Love"
Oh my beautiful skinny love
     how I love you so,
          with you leaving me
     I find the memories of us
just so painful to play.

I couldn't hide the swell of tears
     when you looked at me
          as if
               to say...

I love you...

I told you to just hold on,
                    but watched helplessly
               as you tried to do
          what you could not,
     no matter how hard you tried.

but you couldn't,
   
     I wanted you to be around
for the summer days,
     for the cold winter to pass,
to see the sun wash away this somber gray
     that lingers in the air.

You tried,
     lying there in bed,
          wires all around,
beeps
     frequent
          and profound.

My skinny love
     you lost all your weight
and I hated to sit and wait
     for the day you left.

You looked at me
     with your sunken eyes
          and skinny cheeks
     to say I love you
once more
     but
          instead
     you ceased to move
and I watched as the life left your eyes,
     and silence filled the room.

          I told you to just hold on,
but you could not.
-Armando Torres

One leaf left

"One leaf left"

The last Autumn breath
     slides it's soft caress
          across my face
               as it gives way
                    for the hard cold of winter's chill.

On the gentle sways of silence
               a painful gray hangs heavy
          on the icy air,
     And the trees are barren of all their leaves
except for one.

               I see this one leaf left.

My eyes gloss over
     as they hold still
on the delicate fluttering
               Of this single leaf,
at the edge of it's absolution,
                    clinging beyond the inevitable.

     This leaf,

holds and sways
     in defiance of winter's breeze,
and as winter waits
          behind a shimmering veil
of dancing light,
               my eyes cling to this single leaf.

I fight
     the swell of time
          that has begun to drip
     to the very end of my lashes,
to see this one leaf left.

A sharp cool wind
     swims in past the empty branches
          toward this last leaf.

Fluttering
     And
Flipping,
   
     Its stem is ripped away
          From it's home.
                                   My eyes shoot upward
                with this leaf,
                                   watching it dance
          across the sky
                    And as I do
         My tears finally
Begin to fall.

-Armando Torres

I forgot to feel

"I forgot to feel"
it lost itself somewhere behind these eyes of mine,
some kind of sorrow I forgot to feel,
it's there somehow and yet perhaps
it is not,
maybe its what I tell myself
in those lonely moments where nothing exists but me and my thoughts.
I forgot to feel
with the swell of tears brimming at the edges of my eyes.
The darkness lingers longer than it should
but I just hide it deep beneath these eyes of mine,
somehow however
it lost itself somewhere,
I know I should know
but it has faded away to the smallest corners
making me believe it is gone
and I believe it is
as the swell of tears stream from these eyes
even though I know it is not.
-Armando Torres

Right Now

"Right Now"
Cramped
small nights,
dry heat.
no light save the low glow of the television screen,
however muted
so no sound save our own.
the bitter naive early play of our guitars,
late hours of escape, no company save our own,
no money, no reasons, no fancy phones...just
cramped,
small nights in the summer
existing purely for the joy of forgetting,
the soft darkness washing all the walls
hard strumming and fingers sore, steel strings,
passing the hard hours for the late night
trying purely for the joy of forgetting
and remembering perhaps not to.
-Armando Torres

Like Always

"Like Always"
I look out to the city
from across the way
and know that somewhere
you're there,
perhaps
even maybe
looking back my way.
Eyes connecting
in painful ignorance
never allowed
to realize each other.
Just to sit
and think to ourselves
that maybe
one day
everything will go away.
Or perhaps
it's just me thinking.
I look out to the city
and try to ignore
the thoughts of you
looking back at me.
I know you're there
somewhere
but I will just stay
a ways away.
Like always.
-Armando Torres

like a flower

"like a flower"

we always take what we see

forgetting there is so much more

to the world

that cannot be seen,

like a seed to a flower,

beauty forever captured inside

to sprout and yet

perhaps it was never meant to be,

we forget the beauties

that exist beyond

the silvery veil

there where all things we remember to find

lay in wait,

but alas

we must always never forget

to question our own minds

and find that which the world

would hide for itself.
-Armando Torres

Too Long

"Too Long"
I've lived and I've lied,
I have hid from myself for too long
and now stand with tightly closed eyes
to find only
the infinite black
that lie before me,
I have come to realize
it is not so empty inside
only dark and full of hate
full of painful stains,
I have come to see
that which I thought
I would never witness.
So here I am
with all my pain and hate
waiting at your door
with eyes closed so tight
I have come to no choice
but to realize why.
-Armando Torres

Out There

"Out There"
The sun sits
beyond the blinds
lighting the world
I only peer upon,
looking
from behind
the glass walls
of all shapes
and gazing at all the wonder
only for it to remind me
life moves on.
I stare out
and hear the echo
far away
and ponder upon
that sound of water
and forget all over again.
-Armando Torres

Well Beyond

"Well Beyond"
Somewhere there
in a far away land
between the draping trees and flowing grass
well beyond the frozen mountains
sits a man,
there where all exists upon a moment,
he sits waiting
upon a gilded throne
beyond the worries of normal men,
and perhaps
finds time a simple pleasure
to indulge and crush
between his fingertips
like the sands upon a beach
to make his will his own,
he sits head hung heavy
resting upon that fitted throne
perhaps to ponder
the specks of light
that peek out from behind the veil
only to have the night sky reveal to him
all the secrets it would keep from the minds of men,
his gaze extends well beyond the silvery ends of the majestic world
and finds all the answers forsaken to normal men
and looks out to each of us
over the frothy clouds and icy mountains
and smiles
realizing he never saw anything other than
what history had already painted over again.
-Armando Torres

Forever

"Forever"

Perhaps its been there longer

all the while

time grows around its corners,

hidden back behind 

the old moss and tall grass,

waiting in glorious patience

a past relic perhaps

gone from light and wonder

only to be discovered

in a time long since passed,

days now hold

only hollow reminders

that perhaps

reminds

its been there forever...

-Armando Torres

Orb

"Orb"
An orb crashes upon the shores of creation, an orb of one shape and pure color pulls away from the monotony of silvery whites to find its will and way.  Forming from the whites and grays of its past splashing now among the swirls of curves and lines of intersecting contradiction perhaps tempting it to seize a moment from the sea and form in its infancy, the ancient pillars of imagination and find the simple lines of all kinds of beauty entwined, forming the perfect amalgamation of creation and chaos all for our eyes to settle upon.  Forever frozen perhaps somewhere along nature's design existing as a mastery of imagination.  An orb dripping lines and swirls of silvery whites and grays creating only what our mind can paint, it settles among the monotony of life and finds time has stopped and given memory to this piece of art.
-Armando Torres

Twine

"Twine"
Its not like a line of cotton thread or that of small lines from ink and pen where we discover all the things we find to ponder.  Perhaps it is the fabric of wonder where these lines of pen and pencil stay entwined to stay in place as a piece forever for our eyes to follow upon the splendid designs of fine lines.  For there exists upon the fabric of wondrous elegance a balance of real world design and artistry of reality on the very tips of imagination.  It is here where we find the threads of fabric to reality to pull upon given to our eyes to look upon and notice that time has stopped perhaps forever just for this beautiful composition that lay at the precipice of existence.  Hand to paper leading with pencil and pen erasing all the restrictions we face upon peering over realism we finally realize its not like a line of cotton thread or that of small lines from ink and pen but instead only that which our mind can paint.
-Armando Torres

Not for me,

"Not for me,"
Love it seems is not for the weak, not for the ones looking or seeking or hoping. It would seem love is not for me.  I hate to remember because I can still find your face and when the distance from my hurt and your soft face is the same I find time serves only as a reminder that love is not for the weak.  I heard you moved away, loved again but why is it I can still feel your tears on my cheek after I left.  I made a mistake and now watch as you go, walk that distance of my regret.  I try each and every day to forget and yet, here I am still loving all I have left, a memory, a shadow of a life I gave away.  Love it would seem is not for the weak, not for the ones scared to see it, not for those seeking for a moment of bliss or a kiss or just a single day of happiness, love it would seem is not for me.
-Armando Torres

December embers

"December embers"
There's a cold gray stale feeling of icy wind slicing pass my cheeks as I stand inches deep in snowflakes lost in the monotony of empty trees and white sidewalks, inside the low snow falls and rocks of all shapes.  A ghostly visage of silvery remains waiting to be painted throughout my mind and I am reminded how gray this time of year becomes with tears of splendid designs. The smoldering ash of this dying fire fights among the icy chill and I forget where it is we were.  Its hard to find where you and all the rest end and my life begins inside all this December white.  Blended all together in silver and gray floating a midst a winter breeze all those moments that were seized on the elegant splendor of icy diamonds.  I have not yet found those seconds again I thought we spent together hidden somewhere behind these flakes of snow, however although I may have had your kisses on these empty benches I now only feel the dreary somberness this time of year brings for me. I stand beside our dying fire and watch again as the embers of this white December wither its last glow and instead now left to watch fall all the snow.
-Armando Torres

Full Inside

"Full Inside"
I have a demon inside of me.  It lives without much of anything as it lingers on the deepest things of me, salivating on the simplest of secrets.  I have never had it shown, for the world would never again have me but as the years hang heavy it becomes even more simple for this demon to find the things it needs.  I would never show but I feel I lost control a long while ago and now this demon perhaps has a soul with no control living inside of it.
-Armando Torres

The Demon from My Dreams

"The Demon from My Dreams"

I see him everywhere now, the demon from my dreams. 

Its not always real or perhaps 

its what it would have me believe 

leaving me to ponder the course of his will 

beyond the confines my wonder. 

Reality it seems has abandoned me; 

for all that is 

feels a blur 

and from the corner 

his searing red eyes are fixed upon my torture and pain. 

Alas, for he and I know 

I can feel the pain no longer 

but only that of 

the horrible emptiness of the void. 

The mind 

was never meant to find the vastness of hell 

or that of beyond, 

never meant to linger about 

on the edges of madness 

there at the cliff of all sanity 

to tumble over far beyond the lines in our mind 

to fall and find the demons of the void 

to be real. 

I fear the cracks are beyond repair 

and hell has found me 

but perhaps 

it is what will bring me back. 

The dreams have blended into reality 

and the horror of hell sits in the room with me 

waiting for me to take the tumble. 

I have failed in my madness 

to find the edges 

and perhaps that will cost me more than my soul. 

I think however, 

the infinite void 

is far worse than all the horrors of hell 

and now begin the talks 

with the demon of my dreams 

to perhaps find any kind of salvation 
from the torture before me.

-Armando Torres

Our Places

"Our Places"
The dead faces stare blankly back at me facing forward from the walls, stiff and eyes wide there to stay and stare where I look and pretend perhaps they are not there.  The darkness slithers over everything as it does always into every corner except unto those faces.  Dark thoughts of the most terrible kind find me this night and I cry for my regrets and yet only leave with the stained mind of a life not worth living; and I am reminded.  I have found that which someone else perhaps was looking for because these horrors have me tortured and torn leaving me a pathetic mess of fear and regret.  And I lay and pray and cry and stay inside this darkness forever forgetting what the day looks like and instead realizing my hell has found me.  Oh the places I had yet to see.
-Armando Torres