Thursday, November 15, 2018


If I could
I would
but I can't
so I won't
so I'm not.
  but I should.
-Armando Torres

Thursday, November 8, 2018

The moon

"The moon"
I knew in that moment
breathing in the hot night air
looking up out the window,
she was looking at the same moon
that night
     just like I was.
Perhaps, holding back the tears
better than I was.
I found our sorrow
in that moon
that night
and I cried.
Moments like that never go away.
-Armando Torres

Friday, November 2, 2018

sense of time

"sense of time"
I stay frozen
     in a single position
losing all sense of time.
barely moving
or even wanting to.
the world just blurs from view
as I stay here like stone.  unmoving.  just staring.
seeing only memories
that fall away so easily
at every thought.

my mind jumping through every regret,
every happy moment that was,
all those moments feeling real
but are only a hazy dream
that swirl away and hide
in darkness
at the mere touch of reality,

i barely even have
the motivation to move my eyes anymore,

existing here now
only as a point for these memories
of depressive reminiscence,
all this fake weight of my mind
made as real as a mountain,
paralyzing my ability to learn,
killing me with every moment
as I sit and stare and
lose all sense of time.
-Armando Torres

Wednesday, July 25, 2018


The city
with all its history
brings all these memories of mine
that count for almost nothing,
if not
for these seemingly endless moments of the present
that add relevance to these same seconds
that may have already existed eons ago.

The streets with all these lights
and alleyways
that turn and curve and stretch away
in every direction,
hide almost ghost like moments
on their concrete corners.
that exist now
purely for the purpose of being remembered.

The sway and flow of people and sounds
on these corners
moves through
and around
these delicate hints of a bygone time.

As the glow of the lights drape and hang
from these buildings,
time seems to drizzle away
letting slip through glimpses of memory
like rain sliding down a window
-Armando Torres

Tuesday, February 6, 2018

for always

"for always"
My head hangs heavy
toward the ground,
the sounds and colors
of the world
melt away
and my mind
exists now
purely on the periphery
of where
reality and time

I don't notice the soft breeze
swirling through the trees
the leaves of every shade
of orange and brown
dancing and jumping at my feet,

I see only memory
as the here and now
as it slides past me,
leaving me
with these hollow thoughts,

where is it I exist
if not
on this bench,

where is it
they've all gone
since the last time, I don't remember anymore,

I look up now
and see the world has changed,
so much,

and know they've all been gone for some time,

I wait however,
as the season's change again,
and reminisce again
when they used to come visit,

the world has moved on from me
and I wait as a relic of a bygone time,

where is it I exist
if they've left for always,

the world fades finally
and I feel the uneasy peace of being forgotten to time.
-Armando Torres

Happy Birthday Corina


Perhaps its the gray
this time of year brings,

the way the wind
slides by my face
that I ponder the idea.

Memory seems to fade now
from the edges
and every so often
slips out
on the whispers of my breath

and yet,

I still see you in every moment.

not as a relic of antiquity
of a life
once lived through,

as a thing that once was

as something that
was once,

but rather
as a movement of now.

The memory is an illusion of the present.

Reality slowly swirls
and curves
and forms
before me
through this very moment
painting a picture
of all
that ever was,

It slowly swirls
and curves
and fades away
as it passes through
this point of existence
as if never existing at all,

Disappearing in the infinite wake of time,

only now
through this very moment
of every moment
can I remember you
for always
and find you,

because this life lingering
is but a memory,

of fleeting moments of now,

and death the realization
that now was the only moment that ever mattered.
-Armando Torres

Happy Birthday Corina

Sunday, July 9, 2017


I can't believe I still miss you,
every now and again
the sun touches my face
and the wind
slides by
just the right way,
I feel your memory again.
-Armando Torres

Monday, June 19, 2017


perhaps its the time its been
that I feel this way.

Over a year from those pivotal moments
that left their stains on my soul in deep sapphire and violet,
and now however
I feel free from those chains and have finally moved on
to rediscover who I was
before the spiral of depression
that changed me and destroyed what we once were,

perhaps the regrets too will subside in time
or maybe they never will
but I know now
with a clear mind
who I was once
when our first moments took hold,

happiness again like then and smiling
even when some regrets still linger,

perhaps its the time.
-Armando Torres

Monday, May 29, 2017

Another night

"Another night"
Another night of beer,
of sitting here
away from myself, trying to pull relevance from
my day,
trying to find the guts to love,
to talk
about that one time,
to linger at the edge of my glass
and to hide
behind this pint
to order another
and drink it fast
before I realize these stories of mine
are wearing thin,
I've gone and had too much again,
now I'm here by myself and one quick look
into the bathroom mirror and its all gone, its that sour smell again,
It's been another night,
and I find
I've gone and wasted another day.
-Armando Torres

Friday, May 26, 2017

There was a Time

"There was a Time"
I look down
and the ground disappears,
everything becomes a blur of color and sound
purely on the periphery of where my mind exists,
it's here
where I usually see you again,
as a thought,
an essence,
a boundless idea floating among the nostalgic waves of memory.

It's a late day in June
among the swaying trees,
the sting of the heat has softened
and the cool hues of every shade of blue and violet
have spread up and over the horizon,
the rhythmic pull of the ocean
pushes the glittering embers
of yellow and white over the surface of the water
toward the shores
disappearing in a flicker
against the sandy rocks.

There was a time
where I could see none of this,
A time
where your echoes
would be the only thing,
but now the ground fades to blur
and I find the softness of a cool summer breeze
brings me a smile.
-Armando Torres

Thursday, May 25, 2017


     in the darkness
sits a shadow,

     a ghostly relic
          refusing to be forgotten,
it waits patiently
as the night hours
fall upon me,

relishing on all
the sweetest kinds of miseries
     of mine,

pressing its long pointy finger
     against my head
          it pulls out
all my many fears,

horror fills my face
and its toothy grin grows,

getting what it wants
     it crawls
     from whence it came
          and waits patiently
once again
     for another delicious drip
of anguish,

my terror turns to despair
and I quickly rest my eyes again
falling back into the dark void once more
where again it fills with my many agonies,

It knows this as well
and again
from the corner
I can hear the anticipation
in the giddy clicking of its toothy grin.
-Armando Torres

Monday, May 15, 2017

you were

"you were"
you were all the things
I thought
a person
could be to me,
you were at one time
the love of my life,
the piece of me
I never knew
was missing
until I found you,
I still catch glimpses
of our past,
those moments in the morning
we spent in bed
because our lips were so close
we could touch each other's,
all those lovely nights
spent on the couch
watching movies,
laughing together
learning life at the same time together,
you were to me
what I believed
every choice
I had ever made
was meant for,
I loved you,
we were happy
but that all changed
and you were no longer,
we were worth saving
but you saw me
as worth leaving,
I still miss you
you were as well,
you were.
-Armando Torres

Sunday, April 30, 2017

empty moments

"empty moments"
there's a somberness that exists in the dark now,
an emptiness
that lingers on the shores of silence,
a gentle swaying of
my mind
dangles doom
in these empty thoughts
as the slithery seconds
of every moment
slide over my skin
leaving me
no peace
in the blackness
behind my eyelids,
the swirling formless colors
that wash over
from the edges
in watery waves
as memory fades
I won't understand
this hole
I have
know when the pain
first came,
leaving only
solitude in the end,
its sad
to think
I'll never love you again
even when
I can barely remember you.
-Armando Torres

Friday, April 14, 2017

a hint of winter

"a hint of winter"
a cold gray
          at the edges
     of everywhere I look,
a hint of winter
     hangs on the air,
bringing with it
     a crisp freshness
that courses through my lungs,

as my eyes close
the cool air
     floats by and
my thoughts find you
as you swirl and form
     from the endless waves
          of blacks and grays
               in my mind
and I see you,
     only for a moment
before I open my eyes
and forget
what your face looked like,

a life once lived
     now gone
to the infinite dark of time,

I see winter creeping in from the North,
     there's a hint of memory
on the cool air,
          reminiscent flashes
of you
          I so long to believe
were true
I never know now,
     only remember
just enough
     to feel the desolate pull
of what once was
     at the mercy of the wind
hoping for another glimpse.
-Armando Torres

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Empty Spaces

"Empty Spaces"
I still see you in every moment,
     in empty spaces
          overlaid as memory,
all that remains are
     walls full of empty spots,
empty corners and doors,
          just echos of a past no longer,
there was a lifetime worth of things
     not said
     between us,
our purpose that once meant so much
     no longer means much
     of anything now
          except as a ghostly relic of antiquity,
     just thoughts
     separated by time,
               a cesspool of lonesome questions,
I see you there
     in front of the mirror
          fixing your hair,
and on the couch
     leaning into me,
I hear you in my thoughts
     as whispers
     in from the edges of silence
     on the delicate tips of memory,
          bringing with it
               the icy chill of remembrance,
       only I remain
I feel solely the essence
     of your memory.
-Armando Torres

Monday, April 10, 2017

the creeping fear

"the creeping fear"
It's there all the time, the creeping fear,
     the hidden horrors deep within my own mind.
It is not the unknown I fear
but the thoughts that creep in
from the depths of darkness.

And With every moment I endure
I exist,
     the agonizing thoughts
     of my own design.

Slowly sliding
further away.

It is ourselves I found
we should fear
for we,
on our own
harbor the sweetest kinds of terrors.

And With time
My lies have become the truths
     I so desperately denied,
I shroud them over
this hideousness of my life,
losing the delicate honesty of fear to shadow.

I exist now only,
     as a moment
     folded into infinity,
     forever captured
     beyond the fabric of comprehension
     and only as a reflection of lies,
a moment,
     extending forever inward,
          as I forget
          I too am just
          one of the many reflections,
the miseries of an existence
     that perhaps may not exist at all
     inside a boundless and infinite abyss,
     void of any truths.
Just A relic of horror and antiquity,
     wrapped in nightmares
     and thrown into the fires of agony.
     there is an echo that remains,
     beyond perception.
A lie that I fear perhaps says
     I must endure.
A shadow that crawls as it watches, a hidden horror,
     salivating on my very torture,
     whispering the sweetest things from the deepest recesses
          of my mind,
          telling me I Must endure.
A shadow that crawls in from the edges
     bringing with it
     the torments of memory,
          clouding all
          that was
          once me and forging
     a lie of agonizing truths,
     peeling away
     a fabric of reality
I once saw as myself and replacing it with misery.
-Armando Torres

Thursday, April 6, 2017


Awake again
in the middle of the night
with the soft glow of the television screen
spattered on her face, and nothing more,
She remembers again
as the silent night chill
into her small apartment again,
her eyes weary and open
are but
another reminder
of her dreary life, nothing more,
she holds on to the cold staleness of memory
only for them to exist as
more regrets
to rewind
for another countless time,
she searches for the strength
to keep hoping.
she prays.

Her tired eyes finally find
that slice of sleep she's been waiting for
and a familiar image waits in the darkness,
once more her eyes open,
she can't sleep,
she can only cry again,
she looks over to her tiny bed again
and she remembers
the way she felt
when she held her
in her arms,
the look of her tiny face and her tiny sounds,
her tiny mouth and little hands, her little smile and tiny breaths,
She can't move on
when all her being
is bound
by what happened,
hoping and praying
every night,
She did all she could
with all she had,
she prayed everyday
as she watched
her baby die,
she prayed everyday.
-Armando Torres

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

My Cosmic Ride

"My Cosmic Ride"
Something plays on the television screen
     but I'm not watching,
Its dull hues
of blue and green
are spat on my walls
     and the gentle daze of night
shrouds my eyes
as I see something else in the empty space
before me,

Somewhere beyond where my eyes
     to linger
exists a memory,
a painted thought,
a sliver of a life remembered
through the brush strokes of melancholy
in glorious shades of black and gray,

I rise
     above the midnight clouds
bathed in moonlight,
forging forward and catching the passing wave
     to ride through the stars,
I hear
dogs howling in the distance
existing now
only through the endless cosmos.

There you are
     in my faintest image,
in the corner of my mind
riding this wave alongside with me,
reaching out with your fingers
over the scattered points of light
     like water,
I smile
     remembering those lovely mornings together
the nights we spent whispering stories to each other,
     all those lovely moments
existing now
     as lonely points of pale light
shining their whole existence into my eyes
     as flickering moments of irrelevance,
droplets of starlight peppering and piercing the deep black
and yet something more falls than just tears,

     It's here I feel the dark again,
the weight of reality
washing over me
and covering my every inch of existence,
     I fall ten million miles and crash back
at my television screen.
nothing is left
but the haunting echoes of my regrets,
nothing now but
     the faintest image of your smile.
-Armando Torres

Monday, March 20, 2017


Somewhere in this soft gray of night
     I can feel the soft caress of your kisses against my neck,
I take a moment to find your eyes
     find all the things I've ever wanted to do,

Through the steady touches of your lips against mine
     a smooth icy chill slithers its way down my spine
and I slide softly in between your opened thighs,
          and all the moments I have ever had
stay frozen in place
     as time lets move
nothing more
     the moonlight glitters
of those beautiful eyes of yours,

     As I feel your hand softly slide up mine
I fall even more mesmerized
     with every intimate moment of you,

I can no longer ignore the desire,
     I'm too far in love with how it all feels
to ever look back,

     I want it all
I want
     the silky sensation of our naked bodies sliding against one another,
I want
     our deep, long breaths to be the only sounds as we slide back and forth,
to feel the inside of your arousal,
     I want it all
     I'm still only here staring into your eyes,
your beautiful eyes.
-Armando Torres


I lost you somewhere
     in between the fights and our lovely nights,
          somewhere beyond our first kiss,
but now nothing is left of what was us,
                         just single moments cut away to reminisce.
Just pieces.

All those nights we spent together
     talking for hours
          selling away the day
               for moments with each other.
Looking for the chances
     to touch your hand,
               Remembering the first time
your lips touched mine
                         and holding one another.

the silence hangs heavy now that you're not here,

Suddenly now all this pain
     and I have no blame to give
because I tell myself I was worth leaving,
even if you said to me as much hurtful things as I did to you.

we fell apart,

It is here where the silvery veil of thought
     pulls back for me,
and memory seems to fall gently
with December's chill.
Touching ever so softly before melting away
     into oblivion,
only for another to come along and touch
with another reminiscent flash
of a time long since passed.

I've thought a lot about these pieces.

I hold you dear I do, I miss you
     but now only realize it isn't you,
you left a long while ago, you are no longer here,
so time holds no solutions
when I can't figure out
how to go one day without you.

I hate how much you still mean to me.

I stand here alone trying to find myself again
     only to find the regrets,
hoping one day
I wake up and you are no longer in my thoughts,
hoping this pain would just end.
But every time I see your side of the bed
     I feel the hole again.

I don't know how to say I miss you
     because I've been told I'm not supposed to,
but how am I to fall out of love with you
          if I can't find a way to resent you.

These pieces belong to me
and those lovely mornings
          we had together
they belong to time now,
          just distant memories
          slowly forgotten
               but always felt.

Nothing is left now but the calmness of my nights
          and the somberness of day,
Nothing is left of what was us,
     just single moments cut away,
just pieces.
-Armando Torres