No Destination

"No Destination"

Every day 

I disappear from the world a little more,

    sinking back and away 

    into a desolate landscape.

Nothing of worth

stretching in every way,

    My eyes gaze upon    

the barren reds and pulpy purples

that spread

across the sky 

in every direction.

I start walking 

hoping 

some sort of destination 

manifests out

from this oily suffocation of silence.

This journey 

takes me 

deeper and deeper

further away from here,

    leaving me only 

as an echo of who I was

to walk among you,

    A shell of sugar thin smiles and indifference,

The destitute feeling of feeling nothing

feels more and more

appealing 

than being bound by my senses,

I have come to love 

these barren reds and pulpy purples,

No longer hoping

for anywhere to be.

Just wanting to dissolve

into the collective energy

of nothing.

-Armando Torres

Only Knowing

"Only Knowing"

There are moments in my life

where what I see

and what I perceive 

are different,

     it's like seeing 

     the here and now

through a memory,

These feelings 

are the same

and yet

ever so strange,

Just different enough 

to know the difference,

Not quite 

what the moment is saying,

Feels like memory

peeking through,

Leaves one to question

     what is memory

     if not a simulation

          of reality anyway,

Like

The tip of a mountainous iceberg

on top of a summit 

that lies beneath the sea

drifting among the currents

of infinite oceans

around a planet

that is floating 

among

the waves of the cosmos

of swirling stars

and celestial bodies,

Just another sprinkle

among the trillions and trillions

of sparkling grains

glittering

their pale points of light

from just beyond our perception of time,

Inward infinitely

like moments in a dream,

falling from one reality to another,

forever,

never knowing where now is

or when where 

what we see is real,

Only knowing

what we feel;

     Is in the end,

what is reality.

-Armando Torres

I Wish I Knew...

"I Wish I Knew..." It's gone, all those days I just knew would never end. Gone...Goodbye... every time the day begins to end, remembering all over again, I remember because it's all still there just beneath my façade, it feels as if it never left. I wish we knew then how bad it would hurt because then love would likely be a game I would never have played. The taste of this bittersweet defeat lingers far longer than me never knowing. I would never know your kiss, never to feel the naked brush of your skin against mine. I would dine alone without your judgmental eyes, being glad I lived alone, I would sit on the couch by myself to watch television and laugh with the empty room, I would watch through my window as other couples passed never knowing that game they were playing, but always knowing deep down wishing really I knew what that felt like.

-Armando Torres

When The Good Started To Fade

I remember when

the good started to fade,

when your smiles became

less and less every day,

and the space

in between our words

grew so large

silence became

the only way

we communicated.

I still remember the yearning

in my heart 

to reconnect with you

while you were 

still around

and how 

for me

that eventually 

turned into 

deep internal tears.

We lived within a mold

we let grow

that stretched 

around the edges

of our connection

and let the natural decay

of our dying relationship

consume us

more each day.

We let the corrosive effects 

of resentment

kill the time we had left.

I took for granted the moments

we still had together.

Thinking naively that forever

was an option.

If I saw you today

I wouldn't even know what to say,

We became strangers so easily

that I wish too

our history would be

forgotten,

It's not that
I want to be with you anymore,

It's the lingering memory for me,

The remembering of

when the good started to fade,

And we did nothing

to save it.

-Armando Torres

Just For Us

"Just For Us"

There's something safe

inside nostagia,

something we all remember being,

     a stretch of time 

     where we still felt

     the whole of our lives 

     could still be filled 

with what we wanted to be,

Time has a way of being 

full of possibilities

and empty of them

at the same time,

Back when I was a kid

something I realize now

     is that everyday were full of

if's and when's and then's,

And now 

so many painful 

what if's ;

     So full of happy memories 

and what could have been's,

I remember when

     mornings on the weekends 

--first thing,

I would lift 

a cordless phone

because my mom loved them,

     dialing from memory 

     all my friends

trying to make plans for the day,

Nothing mattered 

as long as we each said 

we could hang, 

     Lazy sundays

with my sister 

waiting for my dad 

to start the barbeque, 

Oh, 

there's something safe 

in nostalgia 

and why

I still love going to the movie theater,

     Or enjoying a backyard barbeque

with my friends,

     Grabbing snacks 

and watching the same

shitty horror movie

again and again,

     Listening to the same songs 

over and over

until the last second 

just to repeat again

on a sony walkman,

There are moments in time 

we all have 

where we find 

what feels safe enough to open up 

--if only just for us.

-Armando Torres