was once

"was once"
Some piece of me broke-
finally giving way
     and I'm not sure who it is
still standing here
     in front of this mirror.
Perhaps a reflection
full of memory and apprehension
filled with regret,

Or perhaps a depression so deep
     it smiles.

Yet a smile
no longer shows
anywhere
     within this reflection,

Perhaps shown
is a life reflected
that is so far away
that what stands here
is
but only a memory
     of what
once was.
-Armando Torres

of sin

"of sin"
I sit in silence this terrible night
pondering the idea of sin
once more. 

My mind fading away into the void. 

The seam of my reality
bleeding into the blackness
that creeps in from the edges. 

My mind again reaches out
     into the horrible infinity. 

It is here where the silvery veil of thought
     pulls back,
falling gently
before melting away
     into oblivion.
-Armando Torres

as is everything

"as is everything"
slowly sliding over the ground
a low cold fog creeps in
draping everything inside a milky haze.
the day seems to have moved on
leaving behind all that ever was in this mist.
     moments and seconds long since forgotten
          left to be remembered,   
as is everything in the end.

lost in the monotony of it all-
these smoldering remains
wait to be painted over top
this ghostly haze
that has moved in
forming memories of dreary designs.

a life once lived,
     now only
a withering memory,
clinging
to
a
moment
hoping perhaps,
all this
since then,
was a dream.
     As is everything in the end.
-Armando Torres

snowflake splendor

"snowflake splendor"
Sitting inside with windows closed
     as it snows outside.

the cool breath of winter
     hits the edges of the window pane,
and there
          beyond the glass
               the soft fog forms.

Somewhere in this December white
     silence sits
shedding tears for something so far away.
Alone feels so alone this time of year
          and the pain so painful.

the sky slowly falls
     settling softly on the icy sidewalks
          blending all of it together.

Crystals of infinite shapes
     reach and stretch
          from the edges
of the window
               as the somber white
          paints
a December winter not worth remembering.

A ghostly visage of silvery seconds spent
hidden somewhere behind these flakes of snow
hiding the dying light.

Looking out once more
from behind the glass
I finally shed the tears of snowflake splendor
     

     and I am left to watch 

fall all the snow.
-Armando Torres

Attrition

"Attrition"
If I could
I would
but I can't
so I won't
so I'm not.
  but I should.
-Armando Torres

The moon

"The moon"
I knew in that moment
breathing in the hot night air
looking up out the window,
she was looking at the same moon
that night
     just like I was.
Perhaps, holding back the tears
better than I was.
I found our sorrow
in that moon
that night
and I cried.
Moments like that never go away.
-Armando Torres

sense of time

"sense of time"
I stay frozen
     in a single position
losing all sense of time.
barely moving
or even wanting to.
the world just blurs from view
as I sit here like stone.  unmoving.  just staring.
seeing only memories
that fall away so easily
at any thought.

my mind jumping through every regret,
every happy moment that was,
all those moments feeling real
but are only a hazy dream now
that swirl away and hide
in darkness
at the mere touch of reality,

i barely even have
the motivation to move my eyes anymore,

only existing here now
as a point for these memories
of depressive reminiscence,
all this fake weight of my mind
made as real as a mountain,
paralyzing my ability to learn,
killing me with every moment
as I sit and stare and
lose all sense of time.
-Armando Torres