"all my mistakes"
Is it self destructive
to think that maybe
I deserve this,
When looking back on all
the people I have lost,
people that were important to me,
would it be so hard to admit
that I do this
with reasons
I don't quite understand,
Insecurities that stem from
growing up and being discarded
when I wasn't needed,
From hurt that happened
by being vulnerable,
letting people close
only for them to push me away,
Years of that growing up
and now
I only allow myself
a certain amount of vulnerability
before I, myself
start pulling away
from everything,
My mind tells me to do this
before they can hurt me,
It's a self fulfilling prophecy
that I've told before
and I've lost relationships
because of it,
lost people dear to me,
There's no fixing
what has already happened,
no looking back without regret,
I will end up alone
because I cannot fix this part of me,
my soul was trying to protect me
from all the hurt
but I just ended up
with the sharpest pain in the end.
-Armando Torres
