My Cosmic Ride

"My Cosmic Ride"
Something plays on the television screen
     but I'm not watching,
Its dull hues
of blue and green
are spat on my walls
     and the gentle daze of night
shrouds my eyes
as I see something else in the empty space
before me,

Somewhere beyond where my eyes
seem
     to linger
exists a memory,
a painted thought,
a sliver of a life remembered
through the brush strokes of melancholy
in glorious shades of black and gray,

I rise
     above the midnight clouds
bathed in moonlight,
forging forward and catching the passing wave
     to ride through the stars,
I hear

dogs howling in the distance
existing now
only through the endless cosmos.

There you are
     in my faintest image,
in the corner of my mind
riding this wave alongside with me,
reaching out with your fingers
over the scattered points of light
     like water,
I smile
     remembering those lovely mornings together
the nights we spent whispering stories to each other,
     all those lovely moments
existing now
     as lonely points of pale light
shining their whole existence into my eyes
     as flickering moments of irrelevance,
droplets of starlight peppering and piercing the deep black
and yet something more falls than just tears,

     It's here I feel the dark again,
the weight of reality
washing over me
and covering my every inch of existence,
     I fall ten million miles and crash back
at my television screen.
nothing is left
but the haunting echoes of my regrets,
nothing now but
     the faintest image of your smile.
-Armando Torres

Kairosclerosis

"Kairosclerosis"
Somewhere in this soft gray of night
     I can feel the soft caress of your kisses against my neck,
I take a moment to find your eyes
     and
     instead
     find all the things I've ever wanted to do,

Through the steady touches of your lips against mine
     a smooth icy chill slithers its way down my spine
and I slide softly in between your opened thighs,
          and all the moments I have ever had
stay frozen in place
     as time lets move
nothing more
except
     the moonlight glitters
of those beautiful eyes of yours,

     As I feel your hand softly slide up mine
I fall even more mesmerized
     with every intimate moment of you,

I can no longer ignore the desire,
     I'm too far in love with how it all feels
to ever look back,

     I want it all
I want
     the silky sensation of our naked bodies sliding against one another,
I want
     our deep, long breaths to be the only sounds as we slide back and forth,
       
to feel the inside of your arousal,
   
     I want it all
but
     I'm still only here staring into your eyes,
your beautiful eyes.
-Armando Torres

Pieces

"Pieces"
I lost you somewhere
     in between the fights and our lovely nights,
          somewhere beyond our first kiss,
but now nothing is left of what was us,
                         just single moments cut away to reminisce.
Just pieces.

All those nights we spent together
     talking for hours
          selling away the day
               for moments with each other.
Looking for the chances
     to touch your hand,
               Remembering the first time
your lips touched mine
                         and holding one another.
Gone.

the silence hangs heavy now that you're not here,

Suddenly now all this pain
     and I have no blame to give
because I tell myself I was worth leaving,
even if you said to me as much hurtful things as I did to you.

we fell apart,

It is here where the silvery veil of thought
     pulls back for me,
and memory seems to fall gently
with December's chill.
Touching ever so softly before melting away
     into oblivion,
only for another to come along and touch
     briefly
with another reminiscent flash
of a time long since passed.

I've thought a lot about these pieces.

I hold you dear I do, I miss you
     but now only realize it isn't you,
you left a long while ago, you are no longer here,
so time holds no solutions
when I can't figure out
how to go one day without you.

I hate how much you still mean to me.

I stand here alone trying to find myself again
     only to find the regrets,
hoping one day
I wake up and you are no longer in my thoughts,
hoping this pain would just end.
But every time I see your side of the bed
     I feel the hole again.

I don't know how to say I miss you
     because I've been told I'm not supposed to,
but how am I to fall out of love with you
          if I can't find a way to resent you.

These pieces belong to me
and those lovely mornings
          we had together
they belong to time now,
          just distant memories
          slowly forgotten
               but always felt.

Nothing is left now but the calmness of my nights
          and the somberness of day,
Nothing is left of what was us,
     just single moments cut away,
just pieces.
-Armando Torres

Ceiling Wrinkles

"Ceiling Wrinkles"
I stared at the ceiling
trying to make out sentences
through the endless wrinkles
but found only the monotonous words
willing to show,
in the swirling and shifting space
of my imagination
forming from the whites and hues of gray
I found the absolution of my existence.
What I thought the world was
just wasn't
but instead
is a mastery of creation
willing only to show
the reflections of my own memories.
I only saw what I've already seen,
     the thoughts
     only willing.
-Armando Torres

Skinny Love

"Skinny Love"
Oh my beautiful skinny love
     how I love you so,
          with you leaving me
     I find the memories of us
just so painful to play.

I couldn't hide the swell of tears
     when you looked at me
          as if
               to say...

I love you...

I told you to just hold on,
                    but watched helplessly
               as you tried to do
          what you could not,
     no matter how hard you tried.

but you couldn't,
   
     I wanted you to be around
for the summer days,
     for the cold winter to pass,
to see the sun wash away this somber gray
     that lingers in the air.

You tried,
     lying there in bed,
          wires all around,
beeps
     frequent
          and profound.

My skinny love
     you lost all your weight
and I hated to sit and wait
     for the day you left.

You looked at me
     with your sunken eyes
          and skinny cheeks
     to say I love you
once more
     but
          instead
     you ceased to move
and I watched as the life left your eyes,
     and silence filled the room.

          I told you to just hold on,
but you could not.
-Armando Torres