...anymore

"...anymore"

I can still see 

the vibrant colors 

of the flowers 

you loved walking through,

the green meadows 

out and away 

from the grey concrete 

of the city 

and its busy streets,

but there seems to be 

some things 

I am starting to forget,

like the color of your dress 

or what time of day it was 

we used to go,

it had to have been 

in the middle of the day 

some time, 

look noon or nine or two?

I can't seem to remember 

where we were 

actually 

or your shoes,

come to think of it 

I don't even remember 

how to spell your name anymore, 

was it with an I or a Y or an E?

I can't quite see 

all the flowers anymore 

if I am being honest,

or if there were any trees,

I can barely see your face,

if that's even how you 

even looked,

even the sound of your laugh 

has faded,

large parts have seemed 

to disappear 

into a gentle mist 

and I can't make the shapes 

anymore,

I am just standing here 

in the void 

against an endless black,

tiny echoes 

of our voices 

slowly dissipating, 

small details fading away,

only bits and pieces remain 

like the blue flower 

I picked for you 

that was sitting amongst 

the yellow grass...

or was it red?

I can't seem to remember 

anymore.

-Armando Torres

barriers

"barriers"

Before I knew you,

there seemed to be 

some kind of emptiness in me 

that I would choose 

to ignore,

it was there 

and I didn't really know it,

I could feel the tips 

of its presence 

upon my soul

and I would just grit my teeth 

and swallow it whole,

I didn't want to know 

how far this void could go,

didn't want to complicate 

the delicate balance 

of my complacent place 

in life,

I wanted to just make it through 

another day 

but then 

I met you 

and you changed everything,

I didn't know another person 

could get so close 

to my heart again,

didn't know 

someone else could find it 

when I had it 

buried so deep even I 

couldn't tell you 

where it was,

but somehow 

you navigated 

the maze like barriers 

I had built 

and found me,

you saw me 

without my walls,

without my faults,

without the burdens I chose to carry 

as penance 

for any regrets 

I may have been carrying,

you saw me 

and chose to find me,

to walk through 

the wired fences,

over the impossibly 

high walls,

the thorned bushes 

and the dancing flames,

you chose to hug me 

and wipe away my pain 

and told me 

that it was going to be okay,

before you 

I would have built 

another barrier 

and stayed by the flames 

as they splayed my skin,

but now,

I am not even sure how 

to build a barrier 

anymore,

not even sure who that was

when I was 

still hiding from myself.

-Armando Torres

you:

"you:"

it slowly crept in 

from the edges

so subtly 

that at first 

I didn't even notice it,

then the days went by 

and more of it 

became apparent 

and I could no longer ignore it,

it's not like a choice 

but a willingness 

to accept what life is 

presenting you,

to recognize the value 

and decide unknowingly 

that you are open to this,

as we spend more and more time 

together 

I recognize 

how special you are to me,

I found myself at the start 

thinking about you 

when you weren't around 

and I find myself now 

thinking about you 

all the time 

and how I can try 

to make your life better,

everything feels so easy 

when you're around 

that you have inspired me 

to pick up all my old hobbies 

again,

to end 

the stresses I have kept,

to breath in the day 

and be thankful for it 

because it's another opportunity 

to spend time with you in it,

I just hope 

I can make you feel 

the same way.

-Armando Torres