Well Beyond

"Well Beyond"
Somewhere there
in a far away land
between the draping trees and flowing grass
well beyond the frozen mountains
sits a man,
there where all exists upon a moment,
he sits waiting
upon a gilded throne
beyond the worries of normal men,
and perhaps
finds time a simple pleasure
to indulge and crush
between his fingertips
like the sands upon a beach
to make his will his own,
he sits head hung heavy
resting upon that fitted throne
perhaps to ponder
the specks of light
that peek out from behind the veil
only to have the night sky reveal to him
all the secrets it would keep from the minds of men,
his gaze extends well beyond the silvery ends of the majestic world
and finds all the answers forsaken to normal men
and looks out to each of us
over the frothy clouds and icy mountains
and smiles
realizing he never saw anything other than
what history had already painted over again.
-Armando Torres

Forever

"Forever"

Perhaps its been there longer

all the while

time grows around its corners,

hidden back behind 

the old moss and tall grass,

waiting in glorious patience

a past relic perhaps

gone from light and wonder

only to be discovered

in a time long since passed,

days now hold

only hollow reminders

that perhaps

reminds

its been there forever...

-Armando Torres

Orb

"Orb"
An orb crashes upon the shores of creation, an orb of one shape and pure color pulls away from the monotony of silvery whites to find its will and way.  Forming from the whites and grays of its past splashing now among the swirls of curves and lines of intersecting contradiction perhaps tempting it to seize a moment from the sea and form in its infancy, the ancient pillars of imagination and find the simple lines of all kinds of beauty entwined, forming the perfect amalgamation of creation and chaos all for our eyes to settle upon.  Forever frozen perhaps somewhere along nature's design existing as a mastery of imagination.  An orb dripping lines and swirls of silvery whites and grays creating only what our mind can paint, it settles among the monotony of life and finds time has stopped and given memory to this piece of art.
-Armando Torres

Twine

"Twine"
Its not like a line of cotton thread or that of small lines from ink and pen where we discover all the things we find to ponder.  Perhaps it is the fabric of wonder where these lines of pen and pencil stay entwined to stay in place as a piece forever for our eyes to follow upon the splendid designs of fine lines.  For there exists upon the fabric of wondrous elegance a balance of real world design and artistry of reality on the very tips of imagination.  It is here where we find the threads of fabric to reality to pull upon given to our eyes to look upon and notice that time has stopped perhaps forever just for this beautiful composition that lay at the precipice of existence.  Hand to paper leading with pencil and pen erasing all the restrictions we face upon peering over realism we finally realize its not like a line of cotton thread or that of small lines from ink and pen but instead only that which our mind can paint.
-Armando Torres

Not for me,

"Not for me,"
Love it seems is not for the weak, not for the ones looking or seeking or hoping. It would seem love is not for me.  I hate to remember because I can still find your face and when the distance from my hurt and your soft face is the same I find time serves only as a reminder that love is not for the weak.  I heard you moved away, loved again but why is it I can still feel your tears on my cheek after I left.  I made a mistake and now watch as you go, walk that distance of my regret.  I try each and every day to forget and yet, here I am still loving all I have left, a memory, a shadow of a life I gave away.  Love it would seem is not for the weak, not for the ones scared to see it, not for those seeking for a moment of bliss or a kiss or just a single day of happiness, love it would seem is not for me.
-Armando Torres

December embers

"December embers"
There's a cold gray stale feeling of icy wind slicing pass my cheeks as I stand inches deep in snowflakes lost in the monotony of empty trees and white sidewalks, inside the low snow falls and rocks of all shapes.  A ghostly visage of silvery remains waiting to be painted throughout my mind and I am reminded how gray this time of year becomes with tears of splendid designs. The smoldering ash of this dying fire fights among the icy chill and I forget where it is we were.  Its hard to find where you and all the rest end and my life begins inside all this December white.  Blended all together in silver and gray floating a midst a winter breeze all those moments that were seized on the elegant splendor of icy diamonds.  I have not yet found those seconds again I thought we spent together hidden somewhere behind these flakes of snow, however although I may have had your kisses on these empty benches I now only feel the dreary somberness this time of year brings for me. I stand beside our dying fire and watch again as the embers of this white December wither its last glow and instead now left to watch fall all the snow.
-Armando Torres

Full Inside

"Full Inside"
I have a demon inside of me.  It lives without much of anything as it lingers on the deepest things of me, salivating on the simplest of secrets.  I have never had it shown, for the world would never again have me but as the years hang heavy it becomes even more simple for this demon to find the things it needs.  I would never show but I feel I lost control a long while ago and now this demon perhaps has a soul with no control living inside of it.
-Armando Torres

The Demon from My Dreams

"The Demon from My Dreams"

I see him everywhere now, the demon from my dreams. 

Its not always real or perhaps 

its what it would have me believe 

leaving me to ponder the course of his will 

beyond the confines my wonder. 

Reality it seems has abandoned me; 

for all that is 

feels a blur 

and from the corner 

his searing red eyes are fixed upon my torture and pain. 

Alas, for he and I know 

I can feel the pain no longer 

but only that of 

the horrible emptiness of the void. 

The mind 

was never meant to find the vastness of hell 

or that of beyond, 

never meant to linger about 

on the edges of madness 

there at the cliff of all sanity 

to tumble over far beyond the lines in our mind 

to fall and find the demons of the void 

to be real. 

I fear the cracks are beyond repair 

and hell has found me 

but perhaps 

it is what will bring me back. 

The dreams have blended into reality 

and the horror of hell sits in the room with me 

waiting for me to take the tumble. 

I have failed in my madness 

to find the edges 

and perhaps that will cost me more than my soul. 

I think however, 

the infinite void 

is far worse than all the horrors of hell 

and now begin the talks 

with the demon of my dreams 

to perhaps find any kind of salvation 
from the torture before me.

-Armando Torres

Our Places

"Our Places"
The dead faces stare blankly back at me facing forward from the walls, stiff and eyes wide there to stay and stare where I look and pretend perhaps they are not there.  The darkness slithers over everything as it does always into every corner except unto those faces.  Dark thoughts of the most terrible kind find me this night and I cry for my regrets and yet only leave with the stained mind of a life not worth living; and I am reminded.  I have found that which someone else perhaps was looking for because these horrors have me tortured and torn leaving me a pathetic mess of fear and regret.  And I lay and pray and cry and stay inside this darkness forever forgetting what the day looks like and instead realizing my hell has found me.  Oh the places I had yet to see.
-Armando Torres

Where are You?

Where are you
because I seem I can only remember you now
and every time I look around 

I find you've been gone for a very long time.

I don't believe this world my eyes see,
all this yellow grass and those chubby bees, 

these trees of autumn leaves. 

I look around and refuse to believe 

all that this world 

would have me look upon and ponder, is this real?

only to have my answers work within the confines of my wonder.

Where did it all go because its still here
right in front of me to see.

I wish I could spend another
intimate
second
hidden
on those empty benches
kissing another kiss, with you,

but I can't find
any of the daylight
or even the bitter cold of night
like I remember.

I can't find any other day like those we took 

even though
its all
still there when I look.

My memory continues to show me my time without it all.

I linger about now and wait every year when you come here
to visit
my gravestone
but time has shown me
another summer
without you and your visit.
Where are you
because I can still remember you
but every time I look around I realize
I've been gone
for a very long time.
-Armando Torres

"If..."

"If..."
Why is it when
there are things I see
your face
it seems
always appears.
I can't hear a song
or breath the air
without the thought
of where we were
just a time ago
filling my mind
and withering my will
to move.
I could
if
by chance
live the rest
without my past
I would relish a bliss
of ignorance
and say goodbye
to regret and fear,
I should however
never forget
those moments we shared
we thought were the rest of our lives,
a whole lifetime spent
I wish I could forget
but know shouldn't
because even though
you're gone now
I always everyday
visit your grave.
-Armando

I Know Now...

"I Know Now..."
Its gone,
those days we knew
would never end.
Gone Goodbye,
all over again,
I remember because
its all still there.
it feels
as if it never left.
I wish we knew
then
how bad it would hurt
because then
love
would likely be
a game
we never played.
The taste of this
bittersweet defeat
lingers far longer
than me never knowing.
I would never know
your kiss,
never to feel the naked brush
of your skin against mine,
I would always dine
without your judgmental eyes,
being glad I lived alone,
would have sat on the couch
by myself to watch
television
and laugh with the empty room,
I would watch through
my window
as other couples passed
never knowing that game
they were playing,
but always knowing
deep down
I wish I knew
what it felt like.
-Armando Torres

my beautiful mistake

"my beautiful mistake"
I knew then
I only regretted
having should have,
I never knew
you would be
so cruel,
the echoes
sway back and forth
inside my head
and yet
all I can hear
are the soft droplets
of rain.
I wanted to say
the right thing,
the one thing,
but I can no longer hear
what we said
in those last moments.
Your last words
just echo
back and forth
as a banging
inside my head.
I stand now
drenched
outside in darkness
wanting still
to say
so many things,
instead stand now
eyes upward,
lost
in the falling rain,
living
my beautiful mistake.
-Armando Torres

blank space

'blank space"
remember when we laid on the carpet for hours
boxes all about, dishes un-packed,
laid there and stared,
empty walls to look at and
new counters,
smiled at all the blank space
because this was our first place.
remember when we fell asleep on the couch
blanket snug around, t.v. still on,
laid there and slept,
too cold inside on those winter days
to lay alone on the couch,
we just kissed all the cold away,
we used to talk and laugh
took baths together, had our pictures on the walls together,
burned boredom together,
but now we barely know each other,
just have those stares
on our faces
to read all the words we didn't say to each other,
remember when the cold inside felt colder when the bed was for one,
when the couch had no one,
when we finally found the words we shouldn't have said and said them,
when the walls and counters became empty again,
when we plastered over the holes
cleaned the halls
packed the boxes
and stared at all the blank space again.
-Armando Torres

another day

"another day"

I drink with the night, my ally, my comrade

and laugh at all the things I do 

I've done and might,

drink another glass

cry 

and regret those more the more I drink,

find my hole, my place, this sink,

vomiting
I regret more the things I drink,

its all past, all gone and done

and this toilet bowel 

smells sour,

I've gone and drank away another day

passed the midnight hour

and I sit where I should stay

head hung low over my toilet bowel

waiting for the day.

-Armando Torres

the closer I stand

"the closer I stand"
its not like I wanted this,
I did not intend to say bye like this
but here we are in this moment again,
instead
i prefer yesterday
before these mistakes were ever made,
or the day prior
before I knew the lies you liar,
its ok though
because I have already lit this fire
and there's no stopping those warm yellows
from burning everything and leaving me all warm and happy,
because the bitterness melts quicker
the closer I stand,
so
I raise my hands
and feel the warmth
of whats left;
on my palms,
the fire feels so much better
the closer I stand.
-Armando Torres

a ways away

"a ways away"
I've realized I relish in being miserable, for it is only in those moments I find the beauty of the world if only to see it from a distance rather than being among it, away a ways, back behind the distant and faintest of memories, far off, long and dim and almost gone to gray, too distant to ever want to be a part, however I feel I could only ever find that beauty to see if I was a ways away, only then would I believe in that beauty, only then would I relish my misery as I do just so the world can be beautiful.
-Armando Torres

Its all a moment

"its all a moment"
I find I could only have ever existed in a moment, never a life, never for more than a moment, none of us who think time moves along with us have ever existed for more than a moment, life is but a moment of significant insignificance, and that's the beauty of time and not life, the relative motion of it, the seemingly effortless movement of it, the grandness of it, all of it just to show the moment when it all existed, in a moment, just a moment, all of it. And None of it would have ever existed if that moment never existed at all.
-Armando Torres

Wherefore

"Wherefore"
Its in the darkness it comes to visit, slithering
its whispers around the night sounds,
the tiny hum of street lamps numbs
my ears as I sit and listen and hear the whispers. Eyes hung heavy deep inside my head painting the round dark rings I can no longer see when the darkness has washed all over me.  The cool midnight breeze from my opened window slices past my face and with it brings the whispers.  I sit calmly and without worry staring ahead from my heavy leather chair,
arms hung over and head hung forward
but my eyes stare ahead.
Nothing moves inside this night nothing except the spattered beauty of red lines,
slowly painting their trail of final absolution rolling downward unto the floor. The whispers talk amongst the shadows and among the trees outside my window the eyes peer in to look in at me.
All I only have is this wall of defiant beauty and that body that painted it for me.

-Armando Torres

That Cackle Laugh

"That Cackle Laugh"

Oh how that sweet and contorted mess of jumbled flesh lies before me, smiling a final smile that will forever infest this mind of mine. In the darkness of pale gloom that face lingers above all else staring deep into me looming low from the darkest corner of every room, forever haunting me. In the throws of disparity a dark ambiance slithers over my ears banging deep rumblings of oscillation, over and over on empty lonely nights and only the deep voice of my greatest fears provides any kind of thought.  Sitting inside the filth of perception I see it again, that smiling face again, laughing, looking, watching as the noises get louder and from far off comes a deep thud where my soul has finally dropped its salvation; leaving it all behind with one final echo of past.  And the cackling begins, a vastness of black lay before me only I see, a deep cavity of emptiness only I feel and there at the beginning of my absolution of insanity the face lies there smiling as if knowing it knew, but I cackle that last laugh because I knew before that face ever did.  

-Armando Torres