my mistakes

"my mistakes"
I woke up today smiling to the early morning never realizing the mistakes to come, never seeing the warnings to and from just forgetting and waking again hoping today brings another one just another one like this. I forget to miss the day and see the point of not knowing what to miss then somewhere I find myself smiling to the early forming day even when the dim glow of the softly lit crescent in the sky drips on only one side of my face, even when realizing those mistakes have come and gone and some still here I still just find myself here with sickness in my stomach smiling because today I woke up smiling to the early morning never realizing my mistakes to come.
-Armando Torres

it was a beautiful day

"it was a beautiful day"
We locked eyes in that one beautiful moment and in an instant melted the rest of the world away and for that, it was a beautiful day. Clouds hung heavy overhead and gray seemed every which way but in that moment it was a beautiful day; we forgot about the icy roads and the snowy sidewalks, the bitter cold and the small sharp rocks, we forgot and found the day. Never noticed the cold breath lingering before our faces or the winter hues in between the spaces. Never noticed for your eyes seemed to feel me on the inside tasting my very core salivating on every flavor and in that moment we lost everything just to exist inside each other's eyes.
-Armando Torres

Separating Line

"Separating Line"
The sky is oh so gray today and the hills so white its hard to find their separating line. It all hangs oh so low like milk poured from the sky, like white sheets draped over their separating line. Just a moment of pure blended shades of gray forever rubbed into obscurity behind those times whom have separating lines.
-Armando Torres

Placebo Effect: A Poetry Anthology

Hello faithful readers. I know Ive been somewhat absent in posting but I cant force creativity.

Anyway, Im here to tell you that I published a book of poerty and if you would like to buy it, here is the link.

Placebo Effect: A Poetry Anthology

Its a collection of poems Ive shared with you on this blog and other pieces that Ive kept private but decided to include in this book. I didnt make the book to become rich or famous or none of that crap. I wrote the book as a hobby and would like to share my thoughts with you and if you feel like sitting by a fire or on a sunny beach or in your backyard and wander through my thoughts then this is the book for you.

Placebo Effect: A Poetry Anthology

I died again...

"I died again..."
I'm a hollow shell of what I used to be. Long nights is how I live with bloodshot eyes and empty rooms. Empty nights and full moons. I died and didn't even notice. I died and didn't even feel it. I'm somewhere between what is and was while will be is only something for those who haven't died. And there I forget where I am and become dead everytime I remember again.
-Armando Torres

Cigarette Tip

"Cigarette Tip"
Steam rises from his lips like a cigarette tip amidst winter breeze. His eyes frozen solid inside cold hardness and his nose seized in icy chills that slice across his face. And yet he stands there like a burning tip amidst a winter breeze, like a red glow burning hot embers, a red slowly withering away as the silky lines of gray rise into the icy air and still he stands there. Somewhere hidden behind the falling white flakes lies what his eyes have found and thus have died a death frozen not in time but there where everything dies. The winter's knife edge pierces the very fabric of his reality as it slowly slides past cutting with icy precision that which he looks out to. Like a cigarette tip, burning not red embers but for today, just this December away.
-Armando Torres

Snowflake Splendor

"Snowflake Splendor"
Sitting inside as it snows with windows closed outside, the cool breaths of winter hit the edges of her pane and there the soft fog forms. And somewhere in that December white she sits in silence shedding tears for something that feels so far away. The soft yellow glow of her bed side lamp glitters off her diamond-like teardrops as they roll to the curves of her face. Alone feels so alone this time of year when your face is all she sees. Pain feels so painful when she feels only the echo of touches. The sky slowly falls outside and settles softly on the cold icy ground. Crystals of infinite shapes crack the monotony of her window and the forever gray paints a somber white picture of her December winter. The bare trees back drop the falling scenery as her eyes look out to the dying light and she sits in darkness to shed tears of snowflake splendor.
-Armando Torres

Age of Innocence

Forever Never Happens

"Forever Never Happens"
There are no rainbows or butterflies in her beautiful lie only the long empty look of her eyes. She sits drenched inside lonely gloom dripped through her apartment window, crying for the day to return. The sounds of silence deafen her within the haunted echoes of muted seclusion. She is loneliness personified soaked in lugubrious despair. Forever never lost in the moments of here and then when the beginning is only her end. She is no longer eighteen forever. No longer that sweet girl she so remembers in those moments of hollow stares. The long shadows have grabbed at her heart as she clings to the soft gloom that softly pours through her window hoping inside deep tears everything will pass. She is no longer eighteen forever because forever never happens.
-Armando Torres

Somewhere

"Somewhere"
Somewhere beneath these stars I stand a man looking back into the black that lay in between the pale specks of light spattered throughout the sky. Somewhere there exists a lonely point of pale light shining its whole existence into my eye in a flickering moment of irrelevance. And somehow I find those memories that add relevance to these moments under the dim points of flickering light. For my chest fills with something more than the cold night air and my eyes let fall something more than just tears. And somewhere beneath these stars I stand a man shining back his lonely point of pale light.
-Armando Torres

lonely road

"lonely road"
Damn that long dark lonely road
for it makes him feel every second of every hour.
And somehow
the moon has found this lonely man
as he speeds through the loneliness
and drips away into the black that surrounds.
Seeing only what the light reveals to him
and following only what is given,
he finds himself lost
down that damn long dark lonely road.
-Armando Torres

I bore witness

"I bore witness"
There on that throne of skin and bone
I dare to look that which I dare to see,
I bare witness and from the darkness
moans a voice "It has come to this,"
And stand where my feet should stay
I look upon that devil as it turns and says to me,
bare witness to this,
And a horrifying beast marched out from darkness
with pain and suffering in follow forged in the fires of misery,
And stand where my feet should stay
I look upon that beast as it snarls and says to me,
bare witness to this,
And a man from shadow comes forth draped in blood and sorrow,
Plagued by the haunting memories of man's thought
he rot as to cry those tears of things not,
There under that hood of blood and pain
I dare to see that which he cried to me,
bare witness to this,
And all those thoughts of mine
were plagued with stains
and I cried those tears of things gone
forever forgetting
I bore witness to this.

I look upon that devil
as I fall further into my own abyss,
forever forgetting
I had caused all this.
-Armando Torres

...looking back

"...looking back"
All that is left is the echo,
the hollow shell of a past life I once followed.
All I have is darkness to drink
and sorrow to wallow in.
Now at my end I am gone, forever losing my view and sight,
forever in time but now nothing is left
but the looming regret
as it echoes continuously
throughout my head.
-Armando Torres

Waiting...

"Waiting..."
He stands there waiting for you ever so carefully , just waiting;
There behind the shadows, back behind the cries of sorrow, just waiting,
Somwhere there right in front but hidden away from the sun,
Waiting for the day to grab the words you say and crumble your world away,
Just waiting there back behind the faces, there where a moment meets time
and a thought meets reality
He stands there waiting for you ever so carefully, just waiting.
-Armando Torres

-Armando Torres

Dear Marie

"Dear Marie,

Oh sweet Marie, I understand now why we couldn't be as I put this pen down to this sheet, its becasue I couldn't realize your sacrifice for me. I don't and won't ever deserve you so goodbye and be good as I try to let you fade as you let fade my 'I love you's'. The whispers of a past we once shared doesn't let me forget so easily and so there you stay in my faintest image. I realize now I postponed your life; realize now I was your lie and you were probably better off without us being You and I; better off without me by your side. But you were the only beauty in these sad eyes and I realize now you were better off. I understand now why we couldn't be, its because I couldn't realize your sacrifice for me. I don't deserve you so now I say I love you and goodbye. I now know I postponed your life and it kills me on the inside to know this was the way. I miss you I do but I have to look past these haunting memories that once brought so much light to my day. I miss you I do but I have to look past, so goodbye and be good. I love you."

empty tears

"empty tears"
There in the dismal glow of the television screen he finds himself crying again not because it hurts but because its there again. He sits silently inside his chair lost inside his own mind as the tv spits its blues and greens onto his face. A bottle of Jack sits by his side as his arm hangs over the armrest and his fingers dangle but a mere space away. The ice in his glass has long since melted but he prefers his whiskey warm anyway when that pain has him so torn. His whiskey stained tears roll down his face as he searches for the logic of this darkness. Remnants of the day no longer linger on his walls but the wear of the night hangs low under his eyes. His lips have not tasted a sweet touch for so long but find the bittersweet company of a warm whiskey bottle every night. The thick smell of tears and whiskey and sweat hang heavy in his room as he sits inside his own stench of bitterness to question his darkness as it knows not of his pain. Drenched in his own depressing filth he grabs that empty glass again and pours his liquid destruction again not because it hurts but because that pain is there again.
-Armando Torres

the divide

"the divide"
Its easier to see in the dark all those things that we find hard, all those things we would want gone but instead are there in those few moments that last for so long. Your eyes are lost waiting for past sweet things to come alive and remind you of a life once better than this.
Then the hardness of black starts to soften and you find your eyes lost again,
the reality of my life in this moment is not divided by the shutting of my eyes but instead is bled together
and somewhere the line between you and I lost its meaning and we became one in the same.
The endless abyss of all those things we missed now exists when I open my eyes and I no longer see the soft blue glow of moonlight, I no longer hear the gentle breaths of wind or feel the soft carress of things seen,
I no longer exist outside this endless darkness because its easier to see in the dark all those things we missed.
-Armando Torres

Those beautiful eyes

"Those beautiful eyes"
The night silence surrounds us both as I hear nothing but my own deep breaths,
My heart jumps as it first feels your hand touch mine and I fight to control your opened thighs,
Somewhere in this soft darkness I feel your breath inch closer to mine as my hand so softly slides up your arm where it finds a comfortable home beside those eyes,
I look upon your face as the moonlight glitters inside your elegant eyes falling even more mesmorized with every moment fueling this arousing passion that I can no longer ignore,
Somewhere in those eyes, your beautiful eyes, I lost all self control and fell more in love with this feeling,
my hand continues to wander as I nibble on your ear whispering sweet nothings for you to hear, I let you feel my delicate brushes of my fingertips around your naval as I fall even more in love with this lust, under your blouse my hand has wandered and I'm too far in love to ever look back to ponder,
all over my body an uncontrollable shiver of desire has overwhelmed my senses and all I want is for our naked bodies to be against one another as we feel the silky sensation of our skin sliding against each other,
I want our lips touching with eyes closed so tight,
I want our breaths deep and long as we slide back and forth,
I want to feel you from the inside, again and again and again with
nothing but our sweat and soft moans for the moment,
I want it all but Im still only here staring into your eyes,
your beautiful eyes.
-Armando Torres

hollowed thoughts

"hollowed thoughts"
I wait in so many ways for this pain to go away but everytime my mind touches them the misery becomes real again. Like when the light slips up over the dark and the veil is stripped away making me see what it is this darkness would have me live with. Why I say for I dont ask anymore, so why I say inside every moment of every day beside the lurking fear of finding it again today. There is no place left inside this hallowed shell of pain, nowhere left to go and nothing left to see but this empty shell of misery. Knowing not within time where other than here holds all I want to know, two places at once, nothing I can do so knowing nothing I lose all I once knew. I know not what you speak of and I dare not know that which I do not understand for there lies at my hands that which I cannot grasp just to haunt me in my face with all that I do not understand.
-Armando Torres