the closer I stand

"the closer I stand"
its not like I wanted this,
I did not intend to say bye like this
but here we are in this moment again,
instead
i prefer yesterday
before these mistakes were ever made,
or the day prior
before I knew the lies you liar,
its ok though
because I have already lit this fire
and there's no stopping those warm yellows
from burning everything and leaving me all warm and happy,
because the bitterness melts quicker
the closer I stand,
so
I raise my hands
and feel the warmth
of whats left;
on my palms,
the fire feels so much better
the closer I stand.
-Armando Torres

a ways away

"a ways away"
I've realized I relish in being miserable, for it is only in those moments I find the beauty of the world if only to see it from a distance rather than being among it, away a ways, back behind the distant and faintest of memories, far off, long and dim and almost gone to gray, too distant to ever want to be a part, however I feel I could only ever find that beauty to see if I was a ways away, only then would I believe in that beauty, only then would I relish my misery as I do just so the world can be beautiful.
-Armando Torres

Its all a moment

"its all a moment"
I find I could only have ever existed in a moment, never a life, never for more than a moment, none of us who think time moves along with us have ever existed for more than a moment, life is but a moment of significant insignificance, and that's the beauty of time and not life, the relative motion of it, the seemingly effortless movement of it, the grandness of it, all of it just to show the moment when it all existed, in a moment, just a moment, all of it. And None of it would have ever existed if that moment never existed at all.
-Armando Torres

Wherefore

"Wherefore"
Its in the darkness it comes to visit, slithering
its whispers around the night sounds,
the tiny hum of street lamps numbs
my ears as I sit and listen and hear the whispers. Eyes hung heavy deep inside my head painting the round dark rings I can no longer see when the darkness has washed all over me.  The cool midnight breeze from my opened window slices past my face and with it brings the whispers.  I sit calmly and without worry staring ahead from my heavy leather chair,
arms hung over and head hung forward
but my eyes stare ahead.
Nothing moves inside this night nothing except the spattered beauty of red lines,
slowly painting their trail of final absolution rolling downward unto the floor. The whispers talk amongst the shadows and among the trees outside my window the eyes peer in to look in at me.
All I only have is this wall of defiant beauty and that body that painted it for me.

-Armando Torres

That Cackle Laugh

"That Cackle Laugh"

Oh how that sweet and contorted mess of jumbled flesh lies before me, smiling a final smile that will forever infest this mind of mine. In the darkness of pale gloom that face lingers above all else staring deep into me looming low from the darkest corner of every room, forever haunting me. In the throws of disparity a dark ambiance slithers over my ears banging deep rumblings of oscillation, over and over on empty lonely nights and only the deep voice of my greatest fears provides any kind of thought.  Sitting inside the filth of perception I see it again, that smiling face again, laughing, looking, watching as the noises get louder and from far off comes a deep thud where my soul has finally dropped its salvation; leaving it all behind with one final echo of past.  And the cackling begins, a vastness of black lay before me only I see, a deep cavity of emptiness only I feel and there at the beginning of my absolution of insanity the face lies there smiling as if knowing it knew, but I cackle that last laugh because I knew before that face ever did.  

-Armando Torres

unraveled thread

"unraveled thread"
I can only hope that somewhere inside the fabric of time exists some kind of line of cotton thread, unraveled and twine this line of thread ready to be pulled but tightens instead.  Why do I prefer to live inside those dreadful memories entwined in cotton thread as a prisoner of time even though however I cry my salty reminders dissolving away this fragile mind of mine with lingering thoughts of her.  Further along this loosened thread I find my way misled deep within a river floating on down the stream drowning forever, however hope is not lost when I always find my unraveled string ready to bring me ashore just to mislead me once more to these sandy banks hoping I drown again once more.
-Armando Torres

The Morning Mist

"The Morning Mist"
In the morning mist that lingers around us without us ever really realizing it there lies in wait a beautiful sunrise although not yet.  The dull blues and grays drip in from night to day and we see the morning mist, we see the gentle shade of waking day, the blended gray of a world waiting; it's here we are, it's here we lay dreading the day to arrive never realizing however the gloom beauty of this morning mist because we see only the sorrow and pain of a dreaded day, never looking past those dull monotonous but blended grays and into that shaded beauty of morning day.  The blues get lighter and the cold gets warmer and the softness of the orange begins to rise over the horizon painting away with it all the morning haze.  It's here in these moments where we never realize how easy it is to forget about that lonely morning mist where instead for a moment we feel the beauty of day never to look back, never to acknowledge the beauty before, forever to never be in that moment of morning mist although it's there in those lonely moments waiting for the sunrise that the brush strokes of a painting are created, where the tears of a memory are shed, it's here in this morning mist where we shed all the burdens of pain and sorrow just for that single moment of fresh air when the oranges come over, where the shaded mist of the morning takes all we are willing to give and forever accepts it is not beautiful like a sunrise because of the pain it sheds for us, but somewhere in the those morning moments we do see its beauty but forget in a moment of clarity, inside a tear gone, for a love of infinite gray, we forget and the morning mist accepts its not beautiful like a sunrise; however it looks on through shaded mists of gray and accepts because it knows more than we can ever realize how we are more beautiful than a sunrise.
-Armando Torres

one note ♪

"one note ♪"
From out the darkness a musical note sang, a single solitary note nothing more, a note of melancholy banging deep within me, I stared long as if the source of this low lonely note would appear here right before me but only that which i could hear appeared and nothing more, i had forgotten only to have the sadness swim in on this single thing, low and long, to float very fine along nature's lines for me to hear, gone are the days where i sought for this note to slide into obscurity and leave me be, to become nothing more but a bad memory but alas all I'm left with is this low lonely hum from out the darkness, everything i ever reached for stripped down to a single solitary note and nothing more.

Why

"Why"
When I think about why I find I've realized you are more than my reason why; why I don't know but somehow its become something more than just right now slightly hidden within the moments of small seconds right in between the tiny slips of time where why has become all mine to find. Its love some would say but the day seems to have become much more than what is shown, all has become open all the doors and for this I know, its much more than just love, why I don't know but when I think about why I find I've realized you are more than just my reason why.
-Armando Torres

Just for that Kiss

"Just for that Kiss"
Its cold and my nose feels it, she grabs my hands with her warm ones and rubs them. I don't even realize it but she makes everything melt away and new again; she holds my hands cupped in hers up to her lips and blows into them, making them warm again, I forget again about the whole world again. I don't even see the snowflakes falling or the icy chill in our breaths, it all just exists to make this moment perfect. She wraps her arms around me and holds me tight and I can only just hug her like all the warmth of the world exists just between us. I can feel her warm breath on my neck as she brushes closer to me for a kiss on my cheek. She grabs my hand, one finger over the other and we turn to walk away from that moment, breaths still lingering in the air, intimate sweet nothings still on the edges of our lips and I turn to her one last time and kiss her just for the moment, just to exist for that kiss.
-Armando Torres

What You Do To Me

"What You Do To Me"
My life is justified because you’re in it, its because of you that everything means more than just something, it means everything again. Every time I hold you I have my whole world in my arms cause you are my whole everything and no harm will ever come this way; the sun rises and the night drips away. I never thought I’d see my whole world so tiny and big inside your eyes but that’s what you do to me. I forget the rest of the world away just so I can exist inside those tiny moments that paint a whole world just for the both of us; I find I realize I found everything I was looking for inside those eyes of yours, its all I see, that’s what you do to me. I cant find the seam nor do I mean to, I found what it is to be alive. You to me are like my eyes a view its seen but unlike a warm sunrise or soft clouds in the sky, I get to take you home with me. But coming here at first felt so new to me, almost felt I had cursed myself to be far from what I wanted, forever forgetting and finding no solace; but then I found you and I forgot what lonely felt like; loneliness no longer finds the need because the best thing of everyday is you, I love you. This is what you do to me.
-Armando Torres

dedicated to Elisa, love ya babe.

...but I can't stop kissing you

"...but I can't stop kissing you"
But I can't stop kissing you because somewhere between these moments of everything, I've seen what it is that makes you so special, I've seen that part of your eyes that has become so essential in saying that which requires that of only a look, that part that says its here where I need to be, you kissing me, touching your lips with mine and finding that slice of life that contains everything I've ever wanted. The moments these lips seem to share even when but a mere space away is exactly where my life should be, its here where my lips feel that flash of bliss that lasts for so long inside a single moment and I hope for it, long for it, wish for it and find I can't stop kissing you even when that moment has long sinced passed. The long moments of life at long last have found a purpose with just a kiss, thriving in pure infinity inside a single solitary moment. I live, I die, I find life only to realize I can't stop kissing you.
-Armando Torres

only nothing

"only nothing"
My necklace broke today and for a brief instant I lay there waiting for the meaning of this to dawn upon me like a fierce breath of fresh air. Instead only the echoed silence lingered and the ringing in my ears floated fresh for me to hear, only the dim glow of the morning seemed to be watching as only dead bewilderment froze upon my face. I found nothing in that moment, nothing upon it that said to me it was of significance, nothing in the cosmos noticed, nothing except for me. For it was me that made that moment exist, it was me that made it so, it was I and not fate, it was my face that watched and not God. I saw and therefore it was and for a brief moment found what I was looking for only for it to fold into infinity and exist as an instant of only nothing.
-Armando Torres

I know

"I know"
The candle flickers, the shadows dance over one another and the coolness of the night settles in and then you begin to feel it even though there seems to be nothing more but a lonely dark room lifeless of anything except for those dark reminders that creep up and over your eyes leaving bloodshot stains and dark bags. Its here where I see you, its here creeping up with my eyes that I peer into what you show without you knowing. You sit there alone because I aint there but I still see you; as I hover over your shoulders I see you and what you do. So don't forget that when alone feels just enough where no one knows, I know because I can see you. I find your hollow existence and watch just so somehwere in this mess of existence something finds purpose to be even if its just you. Just so there will be a record of your insignificant blip in this floating abyss of everything that is because you are somewhere even if alone feels so alone, dont because I know.
-Armando Torres

as he forever forgets

"as he forever forgets"
Gone are the days of now, however
he can only slide the knife back and forth
with every motion bringing him closer
to where he thought everything he forgot to see
would still be there, but as time sneaks past
only the ugly hollow remains of now stains his face.

As he forever forgets what it was that brought him to this place,
the soft slices of a rusty knife only remind him of a life once worth living.
The salty tears of his regret
hang above
as they watch over and only spill when he remembers.
Gone are the days of now, only the little sounds of night shine bright;
only the days of here pierce his soul
because now doesn't exist when all you do is split your wrists.
He forgot how now feels and only writhes in here
because gone are the days of yester year.
Gone are all the regrets
as he forever forgets.
-Armando Torres

I can't save You

"I can't save You"
Gasping for its last breath, I grab onto salvation as it spits out its last utterances in moarnful goodbyes slobbering it out on the edges of its lips; forever painting the last pathetic pictures it will forever tell and yet I try with all I have to shove my breath of life into this dying piece of archaic regret. The deep ugly and awful moans cry out for it to be saved and as I lurch over to try and save that which I thought was worth saving, the awful magnitude of perspective wraps around me like a blanket and tears me away; and I finally say goodbye forever because I can't save you.
-Armando Torres

similar places of yore

"similar places of yore"
I find myself staring daringly into the unknown for those whose eyes stab into my back piercing deep just to catch a glimpse of what I see. I cant ever find my way back and yet somehow I find myself in similar places of yore; we live-we die and we find that which makes us see what we really never left, so there you stay in yester year staring daringly into here and now and yet somehow only let your eyes pierce my back just for that small glimpse of what I see. So I find myself in days forever gone trying desperately to find that which I think I see, only to say I believe those days are gone, only to let the long circles of night grow and the sounds of relevance pass looking back only to find myself in the same place I never thought Id be but yet somehow catch a glimpse of things I forgot to see.
-Armando Torres

...inside forever

"...inside foerver"
...inside forever however, we never remind ourselves of the blind temptations that linger on the edges of depression for it is we that lie at the center of what it is to be and never do we find ourselves where we should be except there in that moment that seems to last for nothing but as a memory of pure nostalgia, though amensia drenched insomnia forces us to forget as the dark rings crop around things we finally see and has eluded us for so long, we finally remind ourselves just so we can forget inside forever.
-Armando Torres

I'll be There Soon

"I'll be There Soon"
Oh how the twisted and contorted pictures of the world before my very eyes have unraveled into the very words that my mind has painted alive. It must have been the beer; its clear now that it was the liquor; I'm sure it was the shrooms; I know now Ill be there soon but for now I ride the high tide through these strange rainbows and butterflies, these loud sounds and white lights. I sway off the walls and fall upward toward the heavens as my eyes roll backward, the world seems to be playing with me, the stars and moon, I know now Ill be there soon. Where is it that I find these wonderful places, in all the faces, in between the spaces, somewhere crazy because these little pills sit still until I find my third eye to solve my problem of balance, at first glance my first chance is walking sideways on my wall but just fall and crawl to where I end, cause I aint immune. I know now Ill be there soon.
-Armando Torres

another thing

"another thing"
The same monotonous morning, the same damn buzzing of the clock, the same fucking feeling of falling in the same spot. I can't seem to find the meaning in my mornings anymore except for when I realize there isn't anymore; so there I stay as it comes to this and dissolve away another day tasting only the salty remains of another pointless day. I lose another part of me to the monotony of time, ticking the seconds away to a place forever captured by the meaningless reality of now as I do nothing but lie in bed unraveling the fabrics of my existence to reveal only that hollow part of me. The worn wear of my blanket and bed, the pillows and ringing in my head are all thats left of me here in these mornings. The crumpled mess of sheets and clothes remind me of another monotonous morning, remind me of all but another thing.
-Armando Torres