atonement

"atonement"
I want a way out 
of this labyrinth, 
my memories of you 
act like long 
corridors 
to get through
and every time I turn the corner 
of one 
there always seems to be 
another memory waiting,

I can't seem to find 
the end 
and each time I feel close 
to one 
I see you again,

maybe it's because 
these walls keep changing, 
sliding and shifting 
as I make my way down 
another long one,

I can feel the ground beneath me 
moving 
as this whole labyrinth 
keeps changing around me 
just so I can't escape,

the air always feels 
so tight 
and the open sky above 
is only there 
to taunt me 
with the hope 
that I could possibly 
be free from here,

but even when I see 
the open space 
at the end of a corridor, 
the walls always shift and shape 
into corners 
and there you appear again, 
my curse, my cross to bear,
my burdens with which 
I pay my penance.
I need a ball of thread
to finally be able 
to escape.

-Armando Torres

lingering vestige

"lingering vestige"
There's heartbreak in my soul, 
   though that word 
   is not entirely conducive
   to how it feels for me,

It's not like a crack 
in something broken,
it's more like a sticky substance, 
an oily sap 
that attaches 
to everything inside me,

The break came 
when we separated, 
when our connection 
ceased to be, 
what remains in the aftermath 
isn't 
a structure broken in two 
but an awful dark substance 
that can never really be 
cleaned thoroughly, 

There will always be hints 
of it 
somewhere 
in the furthest recesses, 
a kind of residue 
that never really goes away, 
just a vague stain 
of heartbreak
of what I once felt 
for you.

-Armando Torres

Too Long

"Too Long"
There have been nights 
where I have allowed my mind 
awful self-torturous thoughts,
   dreadful notions 
   billowing out 
like blood through water
throughout my psyche,

Staining all my other thoughts 
in crimson,
spreading out 
toward the boundaries of my nature, 
pushing on the walls 
of my fundamental principles, 
Clawing and scraping 
to break through 
like some kind of ravenous animal,

Too long 
have I let these thoughts spread, 
Too long 
have I accepted these ideas,

They are tearing now 
at the delicate membrane 
of my flesh and essence, 
ripping apart 
my existential ligaments and tendons,
roaring through 
to the other side, 
beyond 
the boundaries of my mind,

Scarlet streaks dripping 
down my face 
of pure primal rage, 
a bloody grimace desperate 
to see through 
with eyes of ruby,
with snarling red teeth and crimson skin, 
looking upon 
the eldritch vistas of the infinite,
unspeakable views 
laced with madness and frenzy,

It is here in the beyond 
I begin to realize 
the fleshy boundaries 
of my existence 
were there to protect me,

We were never meant 
to venture through the beyond,
never meant 
to feel the fringes 
of abstract thought, 

I can feel the ethos 
of my life fraying, 
they are beginning to split 
like fabric 
with loose thread,

I'm unraveling into the infinite 
and even though my body will remain,
who I was 
will no longer be,
do not trust me 
if you see me,
I am gone, never to return,
never again to be,
I am laced with madness and frenzy.

-Armando Torres