Not for me v2.

"Not for me"
Love it seems
     is not for the weak,
     not for the ones looking
          or seeking
               or hoping.
It would seem love is not for me.

When the distance
from the hurt
and
all those beautiful moments
are the same,
Or when
     you find the salty remains
     from the night before
dried
     upon your cheeks,
     time only then
serves
     as a reminder
that Love,
     is not for the weak.

Not for the ones scared to see it,
nor the ones searching for that naive kiss,
not for the shadows,
nor the ones hoping their memory
finds
just one more day of happiness.
Love it seems,
     is not for me.
-Armando Torres

this dream

"this dream"
I still remember you
the way you were,
all those years ago,
     so barely you,
          and yet still,
just the slightest glimpse
of what you would be.

Time seems to have slid by
without us realizing
the space
each missed moment
should have created.

A swirl of memories
neither one of us were there for,
and
yet
perhaps
somewhere we were.

A string of goodbyes
we thought were the end
but were only pieces to this dream.
   
Its all
     it ever is
          in the end.
Just us dreaming with moments missing
wondering where all the time has went.

Never really knowing
the difference,
just knowing the feeling
of remembering you
is what feels real
inside this dream.
-Armando Torres

Full Inside v2.

"Full Inside"
I have a demon inside of me.
It lives
without much of anything,
as it lingers
on the deepest things of me.
Salivating
     on the simplest of secrets.
I have never had it shown,
for the world
would never again
have me.
But as the years
hang heavy
it becomes
simpler
for this demon
to find the things it needs.
I would never show this
but I feel
I lost control
a long while ago
and now,
this demon perhaps
has a soul
with no control
living inside of it.
-Armando Torres

...it

"...it"
I had it once, you know...
didn't know it at the time
until it was gone,
I've only ever given myself to it once
in my life
and now
     the only thing I'm worthy of
     is this ache,
my sweet melancholy is all that's left
     of those special days,

I never knew then
only now
what it was.

Standing here
wishing now
I didn't know at all.

Only realizing
within the bittersweet pain of hindsight,
     at the wrong time
finally comprehending what I lost.
Wishing now
I knew
none of it.
At.
All.
-Armando Torres

fragmented

"fragmented"
I'm barely a piece of a person,
barely what I remember.
so many aspects
of what I was,
left behind somewhere
in those river of seconds
hoping now
that
somehow
looking back into the past
I can find those pieces I lost.
-Armando Torres

All over again

"All over again"
There's a sadness that lives just beneath my skin
and every time this winter wind slides its harsh caress across my face, I feel it again.
Every time the day grows grey
and the silence revisits my existence
I find it again.

Every time My memory overlays the present
for the day to stretch into the past,
I remember again.

When That pain I thought I forgot but never did,
only pretended that it somehow found a way out
of my life,
revisits,
I clutch it again.

There's a sadness there I choose to forget
but
every time the night grows long
and I'm allowed to find all my regrets.
I feel it all over again.
-Armando Torres

safety

"safety"
There's some sort of safety
from inside my depression
that swirls around me
and overlays like a blanket.

I find it so much easier
to cry these private tears
away from all those things
I feel would judge.

These somber shades of grey are all around me
reminding I cannot be happy,
only ever lost in thought.
Always searching,
but never moving.
Only hurting when I feel them all.

I realize the beauty of the world is wasted on me.
So,
     the safety I feel behind this barrier has me convinced it's better this way.
-Armando Torres