those Glowing eyes

"those Glowing eyes"
I sit and write 
my very last words; 
for these words 
have come on their own accord 
to describe the hidden horror 
that surrounds me this very moment. 

My eyes 
this night 
bleed 
these invisible tears
that painfully burn away any hope of sleep.

I cannot escape anymore 
for the darkness surrounds me 
all around. 
And the voices
     -Oh my god those voices, 
whisper deep.
all My secrets
I wish I no longer knew,

The voices tell me My darkest thoughts,
charring my mind
and burning deep 
to where all exists 
as only a distant memory. 

Existing now inside a cesspool of lonesome questions  
I finally see those glowing eyes. 

They burn with searing red 
inside my head, 
for those eyes exist only
to haunt me this night.

The darkness of black 
drips down the walls 
and the silent moans of the wind creeps in; 
For the darkness has me deceived that I cannot leave.

I hope for something more but only see the dripping night,
I wait for something more but only see the glowing eyes,
I see only the haunting lies of my life. 
And Nothing more.
-Armando Torres

A single solitary tear

"A single solitary tear"
I live with this pain 
inside, 
everyday of my life 
and every time 
I stare at the ceiling 
lying awake at night 
I drift away 
from everything 
that is and was 
and finally realize 
the early morning frost forming on my window, 
staining these eyes with what seems 
like, 
forever.

Just falling 
into that single solitary moment 
where time seems to count for nothing. 

All I feel 
is the emptiness 
of hollowed out memories 
of a life not worth living 
And Yet, there, where I look, 
the early morning frost 
begins to form. 

Droplets  of icy water
streaks down the glass 
leaving their trail 
For my eyes to follow, 
not caring if the world will notice, 
just existing for these eyes to hollow. 

Every time 
the night grows long, 
this pain inside 
streaks down my face 
leaving a trail not worth noticing 
and yet still,
the early morning frost forms. 

Thin crystals of ice reach into existence from the edge of the window
waiting for me to find that solitary moment, 
only existing for that one brief instant 
to stain my mind 
and make me see
here in this mirror 
my single solitary tear. 

Drifting away from everything 
and realizing finally 
my pain poured 
into this single tear,
   holds 
the truth 
of how vain it really is. 
-Armando Torres

the divide

"the divide"
It's simpler in the dark
to see
all those delicate little things
that we found so hard,

all those foolish things
we would want gone
but instead
are there,
lingering,
just beyond the edges of perception,

     so as the endless black caresses
I find these eyes lost inside again.

Where the past comes alive
manifesting from the walls
and becoming reality
my mind so helplessly sees.

Somewhere inside all that ever is, was, and will come to pass,
     these eyes open again
and I exist once more
within the darkness,
finally realizing
its simpler for me to see
in the dark,
     all those things I missed.
-Armando Torres

sense of time v2.

"sense of time"
i stay frozen
     in a single position.
fading perception
and
losing
     all sense of time.

barely even moving
nor wanting,
just waiting
as the world just blurs from view.

i sit here like stone.  unmoving.  just staring.
seeing only memories
that fall away so easily
at any thought.
blowing away with the breeze of remembrance.
-Armando Torres

old pain

"old pain"
I sit in silence this night once more,
     pondering the pain,
Lingering
inside the vacant space of thought,
hoping perhaps an answer exists.

I can see now
how someone can live in sorrow,
drinking down moments of regret,
as to not think
     perhaps those mistakes
          that were made
               would have been
                    all the difference.

I trade the calm for the chaos of silence,
where the silvery veil of thought
pulls back,
falling gently,
before letting me
melt away
     into oblivion
     once again.
-Armando Torres

I forgot to feel v2

"I forgot to feel"
it lost itself somewhere behind these eyes of mine,
some kind of sorrow I forgot to feel,
its there somehow
and yet
perhaps
it is not,
maybe its what I tell myself
in those lonely moments
where nothing exists except me and my thoughts.
The darkness lingers longer than it should
with the swell of tears brimming at the edges
but I just hide it deep
so far beneath these eyes of mine,
that somehow
it lost itself somewhere,
some kind of sorrow I forgot to feel,
even though I know
I did not.
-Armando Torres

yore

"yore"
When I finally
realize
time is not kind
to those wishing
for more,
I hope I die,
A Death
of a young man
whom had his whole life
ahead of him
Stuck in a lucid illusion
of what it was to live a life
long and weary.
A life long enough to linger around
and remind of all his years,
to finally feel the folds of skin
on his face
forming those rich deep wrinkles
from years
he forgot to live.
-Armando Torres

One leaf left (second draft)

"One leaf left"

The last Autumn breath
     slides it's soft caress
          across my face
               as it gives way
                    for the hard cold of winter's chill.
On the gentle sways of silence

               a painful gray hangs heavy
          on the icy air
     as the trees become barren of all their leaves
except for one.

               I see this one leaf left.

My eyes gloss over
as they hold
on the delicate fluttering
               Of this single leaf,
at the edge of it's absolution, just
clinging beyond the inevitable.

This leaf,

     holds and sways
     in defiance of winter's breeze,
And as winter waits
behind a shimmering veil
of dancing white,
               my eyes cling to this single leaf.

As I fight
     the swell of time
that has begun to drip
          to the very end of my lashes
to see this one leaf left,
A sharp cool wind
     swims in past the empty branches
          toward this last leaf.

Fluttering
     And
Flipping,
   
     Its stem is ripped away
          From it's home.
                                   My eyes shoot upward
                with this leaf,
                                   watching it dance
          across the sky
                    And as I do
         These tears of mine finally
Begin to fall.

-Armando Torres

"a hint of winter" v2.

"a hint of winter"
a cold grey lingers at the edges
     of everywhere I look,
a hint of winter hangs on the air
bringing with it
a crisp freshness
that courses through my lungs,

I see winter creeping in
and there's now a hint of memory
on the cool air,
reminiscent flashes of a past I once knew
but I never know anymore,
only remember now just enough
to feel the desolate pull
of what once was,
at the mercy of this winter wind
    just hoping for another glimpse.
-Armando Torres

was once

"was once"
Some piece of me broke-
finally giving way
     and I'm not sure who it is
still standing here
     in front of this mirror.
Perhaps a reflection
full of memory and apprehension
filled with regret,

Or perhaps a depression so deep
     it smiles.

Yet a smile
no longer shows
anywhere
     within this reflection,

Perhaps shown
is a life reflected
that is so far away
that what stands here
is
but only a memory
     of what
once was.
-Armando Torres

of sin

"of sin"
I sit in silence this terrible night
pondering the idea of sin
once more. 

My mind fading away into the void. 

The seam of my reality
bleeding into the blackness
that creeps in from the edges. 

My mind again reaches out
     into the horrible infinity. 

It is here where the silvery veil of thought
     pulls back,
falling gently
before melting away
     into oblivion.
-Armando Torres

as is everything

"as is everything"
slowly sliding over the ground
a low cold fog creeps in
draping everything inside a milky haze.
the day seems to have moved on
leaving behind all that ever was in this mist.
     moments and seconds long since forgotten
          left to be remembered,   
as is everything in the end.

lost in the monotony of it all-
these smoldering remains
wait to be painted over top
this ghostly haze
that has moved in
forming memories of dreary designs.

a life once lived,
     now only
a withering memory,
clinging
to
a
moment
hoping perhaps,
all this
since then,
was a dream.
     As is everything in the end.
-Armando Torres

snowflake splendor

"snowflake splendor"
Sitting inside with windows closed
     as it snows outside.

the cool breath of winter
     hits the edges of the window pane,
and there
          beyond the glass
               the soft fog forms.

Somewhere in this December white
     silence sits
shedding tears for something so far away.
Alone feels so alone this time of year
          and the pain so painful.

the sky slowly falls
     settling softly on the icy sidewalks
          blending all of it together.

Crystals of infinite shapes
     reach and stretch
          from the edges
of the window
               as the somber white
          paints
a December winter not worth remembering.

A ghostly visage of silvery seconds spent
hidden somewhere behind these flakes of snow
hiding the dying light.

Looking out once more
from behind the glass
I finally shed the tears of snowflake splendor
     

     and I am left to watch 

fall all the snow.
-Armando Torres

Attrition

"Attrition"
If I could
I would
but I can't
so I won't
so I'm not.
  but I should.
-Armando Torres

The moon

"The moon"
I knew in that moment
breathing in the hot night air
looking up out the window,
she was looking at the same moon
that night
     just like I was.
Perhaps, holding back the tears
better than I was.
I found our sorrow
in that moon
that night
and I cried.
Moments like that never go away.
-Armando Torres

sense of time

"sense of time"
I stay frozen
     in a single position
losing all sense of time.
barely moving
or even wanting to.
the world just blurs from view
as I sit here like stone.  unmoving.  just staring.
seeing only memories
that fall away so easily
at any thought.

my mind jumping through every regret,
every happy moment that was,
all those moments feeling real
but are only a hazy dream now
that swirl away and hide
in darkness
at the mere touch of reality,

i barely even have
the motivation to move my eyes anymore,

only existing here now
as a point for these memories
of depressive reminiscence,
all this fake weight of my mind
made as real as a mountain,
paralyzing my ability to learn,
killing me with every moment
as I sit and stare and
lose all sense of time.
-Armando Torres

now...?

"now...?"
The city
with all its history
brings all these memories of mine
that count for almost nothing,
if not
for these seemingly endless moments of the present
that add relevance to these same seconds
that may have already existed eons ago.

The streets with all these lights
and alleyways
that turn and curve and stretch away
in every direction,
hide almost ghost like moments
on their concrete corners.
Moments...
that exist now
purely for the purpose of being remembered.

The sway and flow of people and sounds
on these corners
moves through
and around
these delicate hints of a bygone time.

As the glow of the lights drape and hang
from these buildings,
time seems to drizzle away
letting slip through glimpses of memory
like rain sliding down a window
-Armando Torres

for always

"for always"
My head hangs heavy
toward the ground,

The sounds and colors
of the world
melt away,
          and my mind
     exists now
     purely on the periphery
     of where
     reality and time
     split,

I don't notice the soft breeze
swirling through the trees
or
the leaves of every shade
of orange and brown
dancing
and
jumping
at my feet,

I see only memory
as the here and now
as it slides past me,
leaving me
with these hollow thoughts,

where is it I exist
if not here...
Now,
on this bench,
waiting,

where is it
they've all gone
since the last time,

     I don't remember anymore,

I look up now
and
see the world has changed,
so much,

I do know
they've all
been gone for some time,

I wait however,
like always,
as the seasons change again,

Reminisce again
when they used to come visit,

The world has moved on from me
                        and I wait as a relic of a bygone time,

where is it
that I exist
If
                         they've left for always,

the world finally fades
and
I feel the uneasy peace
                         Of being forgotten to time.
-Armando Torres

Happy Birthday Corina

Perhaps...

"Perhaps..."
Perhaps its the gray
this time of year brings,

or
perhaps,
the way the wind
slides by my face
that I ponder the idea.

Memory seems to fade now
from the edges
and every so often
slips out
on the whispers of my breath

and yet,

I still see you in every moment.

However,
not as a relic of antiquity
of a life
once lived through,

nor
as a thing that once was

or
as something that
was once,

but rather
as a movement of now.

The memory is an illusion of the present.

Reality slowly swirls
and curves
and forms
before me
through this very moment
painting a picture
of all
that ever was,

It slowly swirls
and curves
and fades away
as it passes through
this point of existence
as if never existing at all,

Disappearing in the infinite wake of time,

only now
through this very moment
of every moment
can I remember you
for always
and find you,

because this life lingering
is but a memory,

of fleeting moments of now,

and death the realization
that now was the only moment that ever mattered.
-Armando Torres

Happy Birthday Corina