Thursday, September 29, 2022
Far Beyond
Posted by TheFLy at 10:02 PM 0 comments
Labels: My Free Writes
Lighthouse
Posted by TheFLy at 9:49 PM 0 comments
Labels: My Free Writes
Saturday, September 24, 2022
For Fear
Posted by TheFLy at 4:20 PM 0 comments
Labels: My Free Writes
Antiques
Posted by TheFLy at 1:50 PM 0 comments
Labels: My Free Writes
My Howling
Posted by TheFLy at 1:42 PM 0 comments
Labels: My Free Writes
Just Then
Posted by TheFLy at 1:39 PM 0 comments
Labels: My Free Writes, second draft
What I Was
Posted by TheFLy at 1:33 PM 0 comments
Labels: My Free Writes
Monday, September 19, 2022
Marked
Posted by TheFLy at 9:53 PM 0 comments
Labels: My Free Writes
A Figment of My Imagination
"A Figment of My Imagination" I'm not fighting against your memory, I'm fighting against the notion that perhaps you were right about me, The pain has long since subsided but I look in the mirror sometimes and everything behind me fades to a ghostly blur where figments play out as echoes of my regrets, They overlay themselves on things that were real and I begin to believe that perhaps maybe, those awful things you said about me were perhaps true. You, the person have long since left but the figment of your presence is still felt, tempting me to believe what it says is real, It has become an ugly, terrifying amalgamation of self-doubt, regret and fear, Its horrifying face watches me from the corner hoping I catch a glimpse of it so that it may weave another tale of my past to torture me with. I don't even really remember you anymore, all I see is this echo of you, this figment of my imagination.
Posted by TheFLy at 8:33 PM 0 comments
Labels: My Free Writes
A ways Away
"A ways Away" I've come to realize I relish in being miserable, for I now know it is only in those moments I can find the beauty of the world; Only willing to see it from a distance rather than being among it; Just a ways away, back behind the distant and faintest of memories, existing far off becoming long and dim and almost gone to gray. Too distant to ever want to be a part of it again. However, I feel I could only ever find that beauty to see if I were a ways away, like a painting with its beautiful brushstrokes and elegant colors, standing steps back to see its whole existence open bare for me to witness. Only then would I believe in the beauty, Only then would I relish my misery just as I do; Just so the world can be beautiful to me. But only if I stand a ways away. Only then.
Posted by TheFLy at 8:29 PM 0 comments
Labels: My Free Writes, second draft
Just For Us
"Just For Us" There's something safe inside nostalgia, Something we all remember being, A stretch of time where we still felt the whole of our lives could still be filled with what we wanted to be. Time has a way of being full of possibilities and empty of them at the same time. Back when I was a kid something I realize now is that everyday were full of if's and when's and then's, And now so many painful what if's ; So full of happy memories and what could have been's, I remember when mornings on the weekends --first thing would be, I would lift the cordless phone because my mom loved them, and dialing from memory all my friends to try and make plans for the day. Nothing mattered as long as we each said we could hang. Lazy sundays with my sister waiting for my dad to start the barbeque. Oh yes, there is something safe inside nostalgia and the reasons why I still love going to the movie theater, Or enjoying a backyard barbeque with my friends, Grabbing snacks and watching the same shitty horror movie again and again, Listening to the same songs over and over until the last second just to repeat it again on a sony walkman. There are moments in time we all have where we find what feels safe enough to open up to nostalgia and we become us again, --if only just for us.
Posted by TheFLy at 8:27 PM 0 comments
Labels: My Free Writes
Only A Distance Away
"Only A Distance Away" I can't keep up, my legs won't let me keep chasing; My lungs burn as I breath in gulps of air screaming to the sky with clenched fists and the pain of your memory in my eyes, I stop and stand there now, under these ominous gray clouds looking up watching as the storm gathers above teasing me to give up, The pain and hurt have become too much and my knees buckle to the ground as the burn in my throat pushes up gasps of tears asking the heavens, why? I look for you there in those clouds, still chasing the sky, running after you somewhere in those floating cotton shapes, But I can't anymore, these are the last slobbering gasps of agony I can let you have, the very tissue of my muscles have torn away from my legs, the very air I breath hurts me, I can't anymore. I lay here now, tattered and tired eyes upward toward those ominous gray clouds looking for your face; but only find it a distance away.
Posted by TheFLy at 8:25 PM 0 comments
Labels: My Free Writes
Out There
"Out There" The sun sits beyond the blinds lighting the world I only peer upon, Looking from behind the glass walls of infinite shapes and gazing at all the wonder only for it to remind me life moves on. I stare out and hear an echo from far away only to question if it's from inside my mind or from the world I stay away from. Are the sounds I hear real or just spellbound thoughts there to haunt? I fade out into the black that lay between my eyes and the existence I once had, to finally come across the sound of water and the lovely buzzing of bees among the scent of pines and memory, I ponder upon that sound of water and see the swirling colors of reminiscence splashing and forming together an image I remember all for it to just evaporate into the ether and I end up forgetting all over again.
Posted by TheFLy at 8:23 PM 0 comments
Labels: My Free Writes
I'm Tired
"I'm Tired" I feel it at the edges of my being, that extra exhausted feeling, the weariness in my knees, the tired tug and pull of my joints, the sandy grind in my bones, It seeps in from the outer edges and saturates everything about me. I tend to forget to give tenderness to my fingers and elbows, and they become upset with me, and begin to hurt, I rub them firm, massage the ache lingering in the tissue, moving the muscles with my thumbs as the pain releases its hold if only for a second. I reach for some lotion and stretch out the tightness in my muscled knots, my eyes feel the salty burn of day as I rub the sting to the sides of my eyes, I try to find relief in bed but only make it to the couch and collapse to sleep, The wear of the day has caught up to me and nothing else matters. I'm tired and my body has let me know it needs to recover but only for it to still feel tired in the morning.
Posted by TheFLy at 8:21 PM 0 comments
Before We Get Too Old
"Before We Get Too Old" Let's take a chance, You and I, before we get too old. To look at seconds past together and remember stories we had hand in hand, To have those walks through the neighborhood just to watch the leaves sway on the elder oak, I want to know every little thing you like and have breakfast ready in the morning because I get up early and you like to sleep in, For you to show me your garden of plants and herbs you grew in the yard we had for years, Lets have each other's backs and inspire one another, To tackle life together before enough time passes and we forget what we ever felt for each other, Let's take a chance and be bold, You and I, before we get too old.
Posted by TheFLy at 8:11 PM 0 comments
What It Felt Like
"What It Felt Like" I remember what that felt like, when the world felt infinitely huge and yet every corner of it at any point felt within my reach just whenever I decided to move for it. Distant lands passed the silky haze laying over the distant mountains existing among the frothy clouds hundreds of miles away. A world of wonder that got me thinking that perhaps the things I read were true. Dragons and orcs and wizards existed just beyond the horizon. What it felt like to get fifty dollars for your birthday to do with it what you wanted. To be in the yard drenching sprinkler wet but yet it was actually from a thunderstorm battle among the gods settling a dispute of who should rule. To go to bed with the world within your reach. It's why I give my niece a hundred dollars and gifts on her birthday, so she can tell me tales of her adventures and I can remember what it felt like.
Posted by TheFLy at 8:05 PM 0 comments
Secrets
"Secrets" There are so many internal battles being fought in private, ...just below the surface. Struggles no one will ever see. Emotions guarded behind an impenetrable fortress. Internal dialogues no one will ever hear. Only the hints and whispers of thoughts and fears. Only the very tips of mountainous icebergs will be seen. Nothing fully formed. Only the impression of someone's existence. And somehow those things are supposed to be accurate representations of how we feel. Somehow, my mistakes are supposed to be my identity. Somehow, the little that I show is who I am; truly. Even though, everything beneath the surface is more me than anything this reality can represent. I do find some comfort however in knowing that these strangers will never truly know me. In the end, secrets define us whether by revealing them or keeping them hidden.
Posted by TheFLy at 8:02 PM 0 comments
Labels: My Free Writes
There Was A Time
"There was a Time" I look down and the ground disappears, everything becomes a blur of color and sound, purely on the periphery of where my mind can exist, It is here where I usually see you again, as a thought, an essence, a boundless idea floating among the nostalgic waves of memory. I walk among the swaying trees, as the sting of the heat softens and the cool hues of every shade of blue and violet have spread up and over the horizon. The rhythmic pull of the ocean pushes the glittering embers of light of yellow and white over and back across the surface of the water toward the shores and back into the sea disappearing again in a flicker against the sandy rocks. There was a time where I could see none of this, A time where your echoes would be the only thing, but now the ground fades to blur and I find the softness of a cool summer breeze brings me a smile.
Posted by TheFLy at 7:58 PM 0 comments
Shadow People
"Shadow People" My eyes roll forward from sleep as the skin that lay overtop pulls back revealing the room to me, but doing so doesn't wake my body from the cavernous black in which I was sleeping; I can move Nothing on my anatomy, as I push for the strength to budge even an inch, I'm just a disembodied consciousness at this point filling quickly with terror. My eyes continue to dart around the corners of the room, And then I see it, there in the corner, motionless, just staring from behind a featureless black face, A body of darkness pulled directly from the void, My whole being helpless and in complete paralysis, even the smallest parts of me cannot move, only my eyes as I watch this thing watch me from the corner. I can feel the screams building inside my throat, but they cannot escape, it's just turbulent air pushing against my windpipe, It doesn't care, it just stands there, staring, watching, a terrifying essence emanating from it, My existence begins to feel the pull, to the edges of the void, as my mind continues to tumble toward it, overwhelming panic and terror engulfs my every inch of consciousness, I cannot even think outside of the complete terror as I watch more of them come in, as I watch these shadow people glimpse into me.
Posted by TheFLy at 7:56 PM 0 comments
Labels: My Free Writes
I Forgot To Feel
"I forgot to feel" It lost itself somewhere behind these eyes of mine, Some kind of sorrow I forgot to feel. It's there somewhere and yet perhaps it is not... Maybe it's what I tell myself in those lonely moments where nothing exists except me and my thoughts. The darkness lingers longer than it should with the swell of all my tears brimming at the edges but I just hide it deep so far beneath these eyes of mine, that somehow it lost itself somewhere inside... Some kind of sorrow I forgot to feel, even though I know deep down; I did not.
Posted by TheFLy at 7:54 PM 0 comments
Labels: My Free Writes, second draft
In This Moment
"In This Moment" It is perhaps this dark and dreary night that I'm sitting here again reaching this whiskey's end. I erase my mind of you every time I take another drink. I don't want to feel you anymore. I don't want to have to think. I want to feel another night without the presence of your memory. I want to be able to dream without you finding me. To navigate through the frothy clouds to some emerald gate. To find my way through the shimmering points of pale light scattered across the night sky. To fly among them and touch them like fingers to a flowing river. To crash through one moment to find another on the other side without ever fearing your memory will find me. Somewhere among the textures of time and memory I sit waiting existing already with you as only something I left behind. However, I'm still here with the earliest memories of it and only the empty sensation of what feels real from it all left just for me in this moment.
Posted by TheFLy at 7:53 PM 0 comments
Labels: My Free Writes
Early Fucking Mornings
Posted by TheFLy at 7:50 PM 0 comments
Labels: My Free Writes
Everyone Says The Same Thing
Everyone says the same thing, "THIS is real, right now, this. This is reality. I'm real, you're real." But how do they know for sure? How can I be certain? It all can just be a byproduct of my mind trying to cope with the physics of a dream world. Am I dreaming right now? The last thing I remember is dying. I died. I know I did. At least I think I did. Did I? So how can this be? How can I be? This all could be memory so vividly dancing among the existential rhythms and waves of recollection. Some kind of simulation for my senses until that last bit of entropy finally flickers out and this memory becomes faded. Until it too just becomes darkness fading out into echoic whispers engulfed into an infinite black. Just a blip into the unremembered. Yet still, Everyone says the same thing. This is real. This right now.
Posted by TheFLy at 7:44 PM 0 comments
Labels: My Free Writes
Another Night
Posted by TheFLy at 7:41 PM 0 comments
Labels: My Free Writes